Wednesday, July 16, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 13 - Jillian Michaels Fried My Brain

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Today I chose to graduate myself.



The decision to move from Week One to Week Two of Jillian Michaels' “Ripped in 30” was eerily reminiscent of my school days.

First, there was the all-encompassing dread of getting physically beaten up at the next level (experienced from Grades 6-11).

Even though each new school year proved the fear to be based on nothing but an old episode of Leave it to Beaver, I knew today was different. Jillian was about to hurt me for real. She was about to hurt me bad.

Secondly, there was the uncontrollable sobbing for my mommy...BEFORE anything happened (experienced in Kindergarten & from Grades 9-14).

Look, not only is it okay to cry, it's an absolute necessity. I can't remember the exact context but my mother once told me, with great conviction, "If you hold the tears in...you WILL go blind!" Wait, maybe that was for something else. Regardless, after experiencing Week One with Jillian the prospect of a second week would make anyone a little weepy.

Thirdly, there was the extremely tight shorts (worn for a record 17 straight picture days).

Simply put...I've got legs and I know how to use them.

And finally, there was the complete & utter non-existence of any signs indicating I was ready to be advanced forward (Senior Kindergarten & Grades 6, 8, 12 & 14 come to mind).

I had already spent 12 days on Week One & completed the workout seven times. Ready or not, if I wanted to be ripped, I knew I couldn't stay there forever. As a grown-up I am now able to make mis-guided decisions for myself.

So, I mustered up what little courage I've carried into adulthood, wiped my tears, hiked up my shorts to show a little more thigh & repeated my life mantra...

“I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind...”

Good news. I didn't go blind.

However, within the first few minutes I remembered why I never joined an aerobics class. There was so much “left, reach, kick, up, alternate, kick, dip, right, down” happening at such a feverish rate, I think it put me into a brief coma.

When Jillian said, “Repeat!”...

...my brain exploded.



It was intense, but I will be back at it again tomorrow.

“I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind...”

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 12 - The Push-up Cam

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"Are you really doing it?"



That's the question I've been asked most over the last 12 days in regards to the Jillian Michaels "Ripped in 30" exercise program.

Other questions like, "Are you on the 'roids?", "Have you had work done?" & "Aren't those shorts a little tight?" come in a distant 2nd through 4th.

Some people would say one of the more frustrating things about working out is not being able to see immediate results. I'd certainly agree, but would add a qualifier. One of the more frustrating things about working out is OTHERS not being able to see immediate results.

"Am I really doing it?" Yep.

Can I prove it? Nope.

Quite frankly, after eight work-outs there is almost no tangible proof I've been exercising at all.

I can't show you ripped abs, because my body is still very similar to the one I had two weeks ago. Although, I'm convinced something is definitely happening underneath the surface. I can feel it.

Oh, can I feel it.

I can't show you the cramps I'm experiencing in four muscle groups I didn't know existed.

I can't show you the wounded ego I've received after hearing Jillian chant "C'mon Girls!" as I, once again, laid motionless & cramped in a pool of my own sweat.

I suppose I could bottle & label my sweat for you, but that system has lost all credibility due to the Tour de France.

So, I figure the best "proof" I can offer you is some video footage of me actually working out.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I present to you...

The Push-up Cam! Enjoy.



This brings my extended version of Week #1 to an end. Tomorrow, I'm taking it up a notch as I take on Week #2. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

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Monday, July 14, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 6 (or 11) - Back on the Horse

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From my personal experience, these are the Top 5 hardest things to do in life:

5) Start an exercise program
4) Digest dairy
3) Stay on an exercise program
2) Re-start an exercise program
1) Explain time travel

For the purposes of today's imagery. I'd like to re-word the list as follows:

5) Get on a horse
4) Digest dairy
3) Stay on a horse
2) Get back on a horse
1) Explain time travel

My journey to establish a regular exercise routine started back in the early 80's when I'd rush home from school to watch "20 Minute Workout".



Admittedly, I did very little exercise during these lunch breaks (most 10 year olds found the rotating platform of glistening, leotarded women to be slightly distracting), but I never missed a segment.

30 years later, the "20 Minute Workout" remains the exercise program I was most consistent with for the longest period of time...by far.

In the late 80's, having matured and truly wanting to get fit, I signed up for a membership at Super Fitness. As a scrawny teenaged kid, it seemed like the perfect way to add muscle mass, maintain health...and be in the presence of highly-toned women in form-fitting outfits.

Short lived, my Super Fitness days were simply a valiant effort by someone clearly in way over their head.

The gym was full of women in form-fitting outfits...who had not yet achieved anywhere, even remotely close, to a toned body. Strike one. The sauna was full of extremely aged men...wearing no outfits at all. Strike two. I had no job to pay for the membership...which they figured out 6-months in. Strike three.

Since then it's been a steady stream of 2 - 12 week chunks of everything from Richard Simmons' records to Chuck & Christie's Total Gym.

Which brings me to present day.

When I started Jillian Michaels' "Ripped in 30" DVD I figured, "Only 30 days? Surely, I can stick to that commitment!" So, once again, I got on the horse.

I was on the horse for 5 days.

It's day 11. I just got back on the horse.



I could give you many excuses as to why I experienced an extended break. But, there really is no good reason. Quite honestly, it's embarrassing to fall off the horse...again. But, I got back up...again.

Falling is not failure...but staying down is.

So, I begin again.

Let's do this, Jillian.



P.S. I feel so empowered I'm going to have a glass of milk & write an essay about the functional reality of time travel.

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

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