What I'm trying to say, is that if it wasn't for Thesaurus.com, I wouldn't have been able to come up with an appropriate description for how I was feeling.
Now, I'm sure I've experienced similar emotions over my life time, but there is no particular incident that I can recall, at the moment. What I do know, is that I haven't been THAT ticked in at least nine years because my wife, of nine years, told me that she had never seen me like that before.
I've never been considered an "angry" person, even before I was married, but growing up I was very well known for the occasional explosion of negative emotional energy. Usually it was in the context of someone winning a competition...and that someone wasn't me.
And even though people were sometimes...mostly, the reason behind my outbursts of frustration, my anger has never manifested itself as a direct personal attack. In other words, I've never thrown a punch (at a person) or attempted to provoke a physical confrontation. But, in the past, I have punched a wall, thrown a chair (and bike) down a flight of stairs as well as tossed a ball through my family's front window. During my early days, my baseball glove, tennis racket and golf clubs amassed more air miles than some travellers I know. And, of course, there is the gymnasium that still, after all these years, has many holes in the ceiling because of my bad habit of tossing hockey sticks, javelin-esque, upwards, whenever the other team scored a goal in a floor hockey game.
Over the years, as I've grown and matured and have learned to handle the frustrating moments that come across my path, a lot better. I am proud to say that most people in my life now, would have no clue that I ever had any sort of issues with anger management.
But back to Saturday. And for those who think that I'm about to tell you I punched somebody out...sorry, but my "punchless" streak is still intact and...nothing even went flying. In fact, I think I handled my angriest moment of the last decade with incredible composure. It was not perfect, mind you. There was the slammed door and the obscenity laced rant (by obscene, I obviously mean "gosh darn", "golly gee" and "for Pete's sake"!).
At first I sat quietly...for a long time. I was in absolute disbelief at what I had just witnessed. My mouth hung open so long that my tongue started to dry out and I know my rate of "blinking" had dropped to ZBM (zero blinks per minute). My children sat quietly, as well...waiting for me to explain what happened. Then I told them...and they let out deep sighs of relief, "Oh, we thought someone had died"...and turned away. My eyes bugged out! Didn't they hear what I just said!!!!
I quickly left, that unsympathetic room, and went up stairs. My wife, who happened to be there, was able to witness the transformation, from shocked to infuriated, enter it's final stage. Heidi tells me that she wasn't sure what to do or say, that's why she, like the kids, also sat in silence. Eventually, I got up from there, as well...and went for a "walk". Cue the slammed door - which one of my kids said shook the house - and the rant.
It wasn't a long walk. I knew venting wasn't going to change the situation and if I wanted to somehow rectify the problem, then I had to get back home before it was too late.
So...what happened? What was it that caused my Angriest Moment of the Decade? Well...my blog got deleted. Yep. That's it. A deleted blog entry. Now, I don't trust computers in general, and I've lost information before, but the circumstances around this particular deletion is what put me over the edge.
First of all, I had invested over eight hours into that blog. Eight Hours! That is a lot of "crafting" that was gone...like that! But, it wasn't so much the loss of time that hurt, as much as it was the loss of those golden "one liners". You know, the ones that were an "in the moment thing"! Would I be able to recover those from the back of my mind? Oh, I hoped so.
But here is the kicker. This is what, not only pushed me off the bridge, but picked me up, spun me around and then...threw me off the bridge. Ready? I lost my blog...while trying to save it. You see, I was attempting to copy and paste it into a word document, for safe keeping...and then, while highlighting the text, it just disappeared...all of it! That's okay, just push the "Undo" button, right? Right...if there was an "Undo" button!
What kind of writing template does not include an "Undo" button!? How can you not have an "Undo" button?! Who in their right mind creates a writing program that can't "Undo" mistakes?That's ridiculous! Everyone has an "Undo" button! I was beside myself!
And THEN! While I was frantically trying to find some sort of "Undo" system to restore my text...the program decided that now would be a good time to extend a helping hand and...Auto-save my work for me!
Why did it do this? I suppose it was so I don't accidentally lose everything. Yet, in a odd twist of fate, it just Auto-saved...MY LOSS OF EVERYTHING!
Are you kidding me! Not only do you NOT have an "Undo" button, but you Auto-save the things I need to "Undo".
GOSH DARN! GOLLY GEE! FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!!
Anyways, I'm better now. I did get the blog re-written and more-so (a whole lot of hours later) and I think it's really good. In fact, I ended up cutting it up into three blogs and if you've already read about My Celebrity Crushes, over the last few days, then you've seen the result of my work.
If you haven't caught the three-part series...please read it. It will make me feel like it was all worth it.
Have a good one,