Thursday, September 3, 2009

My three wishes

If you could have anything...anything at all. What would it be? What a great question! I heard words to that effect in a recent movie trailer, and it got me thinking.

Because of the endless possibilities, I have spent many a sleepless night trying to figure out my answer. "Why the extreme focus?", you ask. Well, I believe that getting a free wish is a once in a lifetime opportunity...unless you ask for a second life and then, I suppose, it could come around again. Now, I wasn't a boy scout growing up, but I did eat lots of girl guide cookies (those vanilla ones are to die for), so I also believe in being prepared. If I happen to be the one to get that chance, there is no way I want to be caught off guard and end up giving some flip emotional answer that I'll forever have to justify to my friends. "Really, you asked for a gold tooth?" "What? I was nervous."

If you were to ask 100 people what they would wish for, I bet you the number one answer would be, "I want world peace." Do you know why that would be the top answer? Because no one really believes that they'll ever get a free wish. That's why! People say some crazy things when there is nothing at stake. But I'll tell ya, if I was at home washing my dishes and a real, honest to goodness, genie came out of the glass I was rubbing and said, "You have three wishes!" I ain't asking for world peace...until, at least, the 3rd wish. And actually, come to think of it, I'd probably spend that one on, "I wish someone else was washing these dishes."

The next two answers on that list, are more likely to be requested in a real life genie encounter. They are, "I want a trillion million dollars" and "I want to be world famous". Blah blah. So cookie cutter. So...Wheel of Fortune. When I was growing up, the final round of that show had the contestant picking the letters, RSTLNE. Every show...RSTLNE. Every show! It was horrible entertainment. The same answers every time. Where was the drama? Finally, the show just started giving the contestants those letters...along with their choices.

Now, I am all about "the show", so you can be sure that I wouldn't be asking for either of the dismay of my wife. In fact, the only hope she has of receiving money and fame by way of "wish", is if the genie is Pat Sajak. Because, then he'd give us both and still let me have my three wishes.

Also, not only are those uncreative requests, but they're silly and risky at best. First of all, you can't even spend a million trillion dollars. It's such a waste. Ask for a million dollars and a good broker and you'll be more than fine. Second, worldwide fame is a dangerous things to ask for, because you might become world famous...for being a huge idiot, and the whole plan falls apart. Then again, there are a few famous idiots who seem to be doing quite well for themselves. But, generally, you should be more specific or you could be sorry. If you don't believe me, watch Bedazzled. That will set you straight in a hurry.

That brings me to MY three wishes. I considered the ability to fly, but I don't want to be sucked into an airplane engine. It happens you know.

So, with a real life genie standing (or floating) before me:

My first wish is...the ability to sing bass. Oh, to be able to hit those floor level notes. I've sung in choirs and have desperately tried to go there, but I just can't. Sadly, I am a bass singer trapped in a tenor's body...well, maybe a soprano's body with a tenor's vocal chords.

My second wish have Ryan Seacrest's jaw. 90 degree angles. Amazing! You put Seacrest's jaw under my "Boyle nose"...That's money baby! AND fame. "Cha-Ching"!

And my third wish is...a lifetime supply of sandwich bags. I am always running out of those.

If you ever see me with a wickedly sharp jaw line, knocking down those low notes in a men's quartet, you can be sure of two things: If you need sandwich bags, I'm your man AND my wife is furious!!!!

Have a good one,


  1. Yes, I actually read your blog...

    1.) As a CFP, one million is not enough, not even a good broker could allow you to retire on that. Ok maybe you, but the rest of us, not a chance.

    2.) Base singer? Really? Name one famous base singer.

    3.) Ryan Secrest is gay, you should'nt want any "part" of him.

    4.) I don't get the sandwich bags, unless you are dealing pot out of your Queen steet vila, which by the way, has been suspect all along seeing as you have never had a real job since the "sandwich artist" days. Wait a minute....I see a connection now.

    Read 1 Kings - Solomon knew what to ask for....although I am not sure what exactly he did with 1300 chariots. The 700 wives was bit creepy too.

    Keep working, you can do better.

    The real Tim.

  2. To Real Tim,
    I don't even know what a CFP is.

    To Everyone else,
    the bags are for sandwiches...just sandwiches.


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