Friday, September 11, 2009

The name that makes me cringe

There is a name that sends shivers up my spine. It is a name that stirs up nausea and nightmarish images. It is a name that causes me to cringe like no other. "What is the name?" you ask. If you're thinking, Kirsten Dunst, you'd be well...right, but that's for another blog. Today, I'm actually thinking of another name that brings about a similar response.


Please feel free to take a moment to shake off the creepy willies that the word just gave you as well, because I know I'm not alone in this.

Now, although Speedo manufactures a wide variety of swim suit styles, the brand has become synonymous with the "briefs". As a result, it's name has also become synonymous with something that causes parents to cover the eyes of their children, teenagers to giggle uncomfortably and the elderly to gasp in horror! "Hey, Speedo...Welcome to the bad side of the phenomenon known as 'generic branding'."

But why the negative reaction? Why do so many people recoil at the very mention of the word? I mean, there is nothing, inherently, disturbing about the Speedo itself. It is simply a men's swim suit. Yes, it has a little...okay, a lot...less fabric then mainstream swim wear, but it's still just a suit.

The problem rests, not in the suit itself, but in those that choose to don the suit. Too many people making bad judgement calls. You see, the Speedo was originally intended for good. It was to be worn by highly competitive swimmers, to reduce the water's drag and thereby help them shave, the ever important, 1/100th of second off their lap times.

But, at some point, the Speedo fell into the wrong hands and it is now being used for evil. Speedos are being worn by individuals who should really not be wearing them...really, really not be wearing them! These people are, not only, NOT competitive swimmers but they are also in no danger of ever being confused with being one. Flabby and wrinkly, they wander public beaches, pools and water parks, scarring the minds of the innocent.

Someone must stop the madness - It's killing our children. But, if the retail marketplace feels the need to continue selling "racing briefs" to the masses then, at the very least, set restrictions. If you can't see the Speedo when you're wearing it or if you're older than the can't buy it! Simple as that.

Even if someone has a Speedo worthy body, where the belly button doesn't hang below the waist band and the skin isn't sagging all around it, wearing one is still...wrong...and silly. It reveals way more than ever needs to be revealed and there is simply no reason to wear "racing briefs" in public. I can't remember the last time I took a stroll along the water's edge and thought to myself, "Boy, I wish I was more aerodynamic." Look, no regular beach goer needs to be more streamlined than what boxer style shorts will provide...with the exception of someone with a bladder control problem. Getting to the bath house .005 seconds faster, just might be a difference maker.

Let's keep the Speedo where it belongs: In Olympic pools. My dream is to witness the day when our public beaches and water parks will, once again, be a safe place for all those with eyes.

Have a good one,


  1. Hi Timmy,
    If you have hang ups about the little swimsuit, you can blame us Aussies as we gifted this little swimsuit to the world.

  2. Warwick,

    Creating the Speedo would be unforgivable...if I didn't love your country so much!


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