Friday, October 9, 2009

Super Fan wanted. Apply within.

I was reading an article in today's newspaper, about the 70's rock band KISS. They're still going strong and recently performed in Oshawa, Ontario. The town went crazy for them. Some of the stories, I read, about the band's fan base were incredible. They've got some real long-time, hard-core dedicated fans.

It got me thinking. That's what I need! Hard-core dedicated fans! And, not just fans...Super Fans!

Now, I'm not crazy enough to think that you can just assemble a massive collection of Super Fans overnight (that takes years), but I am crazy enough to try and enlist ONE Super Fan overnight.

So, I've decided to be pro-active, and find my first Super Fan. I thought about printing an ad in the classifieds, but then I thought, "Hey Timmy, you've got a blog!"...

Wanted: A "Super Fan"

Timmy Boyle is a Canadian comedian, on the verge of being recognized world-wide for his hilarious stand-up comedy performances, immensely insightful blog and incredibly creative videos. *Note: "Verge", in this context, means "anywhere between 1-10 years".

He is looking for a Super Fan to become the cornerstone of the massive fan-base that is looming on the horizon.

JOB SUMMARY:

Title: Timmy's Super Fan
Type: Full Time - Self Employed
Salary: None

COMMITMENT, REQUIREMENTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES:

INTERNET PRESENCE

Time Commitment: 50% of their waking hours is dedicated to Timmy Online.

Responsibilities: Developing multiple Timmy fan pages and updating them hourly; Commenting on Timmy's blog entries within 45 minutes of them being posted; Moderating his chat groups and discussion boards, as needed; Replying to his Tweets within 10-15 seconds; Watching his Youtube videos on a bi-hourly basis...to keep those "views" moving; Sending an encouraging email every Friday at 7pm.

Requirements: A lap top computer; Minimum three years of web page design experience; An English degree (Bad spellers need not apply).

LIVE INTERACTION

Time Commitment: 32.5% of their waking hours is dedicated to Timmy Live.

Responsibilities: Attending a minimum of 75% of Timmy's live comedy shows, 85% of all autograph signings and 100% of his red carpet appearances; Orchestrating 5-10 "random" public encounters, every year.

Requirements: A substantial personal income (for show tickets and travel costs); A very flexible work situation; A valid passport; A certificate of completion from a Harold Taylor "Time Management" seminar (with an approved day timer).

PROMOTION

Time Commitment: 7.25% of their waking hours is dedicated to spreading the word about Timmy

Responsibilities: Getting two visible "promotional" tattoos (eg. "I love Timmy!", "Timmy fan forever!" etc.); Wearing only clothes that have the "Timmy" seal of approval; Having, at least, one wall in their home dedicated to photos and memorabilia of Timmy; Assembling scrapbooks, to show guests, that document every public move he makes; Having a quote from Timmy as your cell phone ring-tone.

Requirements: A high threshold of pain; A wide fashion appeal (from Fedoras to Parachute Pants); A camera; Tape, push pins, finishing nails and hammer; A valid membership to any local scrap booking club; A cell-phone...and account in good standing.

SACRIFICE

Time Commitment: 10.25% of their waking hours will be spent in police custody due to "Stalking" charges.

Requirements: A good lawyer

If you possess all of the stated requirements, are prepared to fulfill the duties and responsibilities of a Super Fan and are over the age of six, then you can start immediately...after you answer this skill-testing question: 0 + 7 - 7 =

Have a good one,
Timmy

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