Friday, November 6, 2009

An Open Letter to Ben Stiller

Dear Mr. Stiller,

(Wait…that sounds like I’m trying to address Ben’s dad. Now, I’m sure Jerry is nice enough and all, but I’m really trying to get a hold of his son.)

Dear Ben,

(Man…that is much too informal. I mean, laughing during Zoolander hardly puts us on a first name basis.)

Dear Ben Stiller,

(Hmmm…there isn’t just one “Ben Stiller”. I really don’t want to cause confusion and get any ol’ Ben Stiller responding. I remember how things got out of hand at Cheers with the whole Jacqueline “Jackie” Bisset debacle.)

Dear Ben Stiller, son of Jerry, star of Zoolander and king of comedy

(Whoa, whoa! That’s way too much. The last part sounds like I’m kissing up.)

Dear Ben Stiller, son of Jerry and star of Zoolander.

(Perfect. It's respectful and clear.)

I know you must get many letters like this from fans (and really confused friends), but I am hoping that this one will somehow stand out.

I considered sending you a real letter – you know, the old-fashioned way - with ink, paper and all the trimmings, but I decided against.

First of all, I’m not sure if letters like that ever get by your “people” and secondly…do you have any idea how much stamps are, now a days!? It’s ridiculous.

So, as I was looking into other options, a friend introduced me to a thing called the World Wide Web. Have you heard of it? If not…you’ll never read this.

Anyways, I’d like to start by saying that I’m a huge fan…of Bob Newhart.

Now, I know you’re probably thinking, “So...send a letter to Bob Newhart.” But if I sent this letter to Newhart, then you wouldn’t receive it. See where I’m going with this.

If you don’t know where I’m going with this, then it’s probably because you haven’t read yesterday’s blog entry. This would be completely understandable, given the fact that you didn’t know it existed.

So, to make sure we’re on the same page, please take a few moments to read through the previous entry. You can speed read it if you want.

I’m leaving a link, so that I don’t have to type it all again and risk Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Click here ...and then come back.

Welcome back.

Remember those Choose your own Adventure books? Well, let’s relive that experience:

If you didn’t click on the link (or it didn’t work)'ll miss some stuff, but go to Line 37

If you did click on the link (and it worked) go to line Line 59

LINE 37: The funniest person I have ever heard is Bob Newhart. His dry satirical wit, with the trademark stammer, is legendary. His one sided phone conversations are simply remarkable. Since his stand-up comedy career was at its peak in the 60’s - well before I was born - I knew him as an actor before I knew him as a stand-up comedian.

In the 80’s, his sitcom, Newhart was a regular part of my television diet. I was later introduced to his 70’s sitcom, The Bob Newhart Show and then to his classic 60’s comedy album, The Button-Down Mind.

I followed Newhart’s career backwards. And, with each step back, I grew to admire Bob Newhart’s comic genius more and more. He has just turned 80, and is one of the last remaining members of the golden age of comedy. As my admiration increased, I quickly realized that so was his age. This man was not going to be around for ever…and guys like him don’t come around very often.

Over the last few years, his calendar has become very limited, and although I have tried to get to one of the few shows he does do, the dates just haven’t jived with my calendar.
Until now!

Thanks to my parents, I have finally secured two tickets to see Bob Newhart Live! I am absolutely ecstatic. It truly is a once in a life-time experience. It is a chance to see a living legend. Friday, December 4, 2009 at Roy Thompson Hall. Two floor seats, 16 rows back.

I can’t truly explain how excited I am. I really do expect this to be one of those rare inspirational moments that I’ll always look back to as I pursue my own dream of being a comedian.

There is only one thing that would make seeing my comic idol more special...I've got one month to somehow convince Ben Stiller to join me.

(Don’t worry about Carpal Tunnel…I used Cut & Paste)

LINE 59: So, Mr. Stiller...are you interested?

Here’s the deal.

I’m covering the tickets…and snacks. You just have to arrange your own travel to Toronto, Canada.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon,
Timmy Boyle, son of John, writer of “Inside Timmy’s Mind”

P.S. Please help me get this message out. If that "Six-degrees of Separation” law is real, then if everyone who reads this sends this blog link to all their friends, it will eventually get to Mr. Stiller. So...Pass it on! No, it.

Note: This obviously doesn’t apply to Mr. Stiller...unless he wants to pass it on to Mr. Newhart.
*Go to Part 3 of the saga. To find out what happened next, read "Dare to Dream" here


  1. Ben Stiller answered a twitter request from @vanster. Said thanks for the invite but that he couldn't make it. Is huge Newhart fan and also said to have a great time. @RedHourBen is his verified twitter ID.

  2. Thanks Trader Bob,

    I did actually read that response and have already sent a thanks and posted a follow up blog entry(which I hope he also gets a chance to see).

    It's the one entitled "Ben Stiller declined my invitation. What a class act!"

    Thanks though for looking into it.
    Have a good one,

  3. May I add that the entire scenario is hysterical!! You have beaten Mr. Stiller at his own game!! HA!!

  4. Hey, Trader Bob.

    Glad you've enjoyed my little project.
    Just wondering...what is Stiller's game?

  5. Satirical "Bob Newhart" type humor.

  6. That might be the best compliment I could ever receive! Thanks.


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