My Colourful Night

I woke up this morning. That’s the good news. It’s always a great way to start any day. But, as excited as I was to be alive, I just couldn’t get out of bed. I was freezing! You see, at some point, during the night, my toes decided that they weren’t going to spend any more time under the covers. What were they thinking?! For a minute, I actually thought they had completely disappeared, because I couldn’t feel them...at all. But, then I saw one. The big one. Sticking straight up and ice BLUE! Bluer than a truck stop comedy show.

So, I woke my wife up. She was concerned, and for good reason…seeing as I don’t normally call on her at 3:30am. In a panic, she asked me what was wrong. When I told her that my toes were cold, well let’s just say…she was not happy…and not about my toes. Apparently, that isn’t a good reason to wake her up. Now, I couldn’t tell for sure, but by the sound of her voice, no doubt her face was beet RED! Redder than Santa fleeing a flaming chimney.

Well, after getting a good “talkin’ to”, I couldn’t get back to sleep. So, I decided to go down stairs for a little late night TV…but not without my slippers. I turned the bedroom light on, so I could see where they were. My wife was not happy. So, I turned the light off. As I left the room, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face…or, unfortunately, that cabinet in front of my blue toe (good thing it was numb). The room was pitch BLACK! Blacker than deep space…at night.

Once downstairs - and with light, I sat down to see what was happening on the tube. Having channel surfed for a good 15 minutes, without seeing one quality wave, I was about to give up and head back to bed. But then I saw it. The “must-have” in kitchen ware. The ultimate culinary tool! It could slice, dice, cook, freeze, clean itself and keep things fresh…all for just three easy payments of $12.95. Within seconds, the studio audience rushed the stage, as the host gleefully handed out box after box. Those people are so lucky! I was GREEN with envy! Greener than a seasick leprechaun.

Knowing that I was on a tight budget, lacking self-control and feeling that it wasn’t the right time to ask my wife for permission, I quickly turned off the set. Just then, I felt a sharp pain in my toe. Oh, good. The thawing had begun. However, it also meant that I must have banged my toe on the bedroom cabinet harder than I thought. I looked down, horrified. My throbbing toe was no longer blue, but rather a deep shade of PURPLE! More purple than King Barney, in his entire royal garb.

I hobbled up the stairs, slowly opened my bedroom door, swerved to avoid the cabinet and quietly climbed back into bed. I was tired, cold, had a sore toe, a grumpy wife…and missed my opportunity for the best kitchen utensil this side of the Ginsu Knife.

What a night!

I muttered a complaint, to no one in particular, and fell asleep. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but guaranteed it was colourful. Nothing blasphemous…but definitely colourful.

Have a good one,
Timmy