Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Timmy is Dead.


(No Twitter - No Facebook - No Blog - No Videos)


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tomorrow...I die. Pass it on.

Tomorrow…I die.


But hey, I’ll be in good company.

Alicia Keys, Katie Holmes, Ryan Seacrest and Kim Kardashian (to name a few) will be joining me...or rather, I’ll be joining them.

Now, before you start flagging this post as some sort of national security issue, let me explain.

The wonderfully talented, immeasurably caring Alicia Keys has organized a day of "death" bring life. The hope is to raise $1 million for her charity Keep a Child Alive.

Starting tomorrow a group of celebs (and me) have agreed to GO SILENT on Twitter and Facebook, until the impressive fundraising goal is reached. You can help bring a celebrity (or me) back to life with $10 donations.

The Celebrity Plus Timmy Blackout shouldn’t take long. After all, there’s a cool 5 million people out in this crazy world that will REALLY die if they can’t get their up-to-the-minute Kim Kardashian fix.

Surely there are 100,000 Kardashianites who will pony up a sawbuck to get their beloved Kim back before noon. In fact, I say it’s all over by 10am.

Regardless, I think it’s an amazingly creative initiative for an awesome cause and it will do very, very well…with or without me.

At some point, when the $1 million goal has been reached, I’ll resurrect myself along with Seacrest, Holmes and Kim...and life will never be the same again. Not for me or the celebs (helping others always changes you) and definitely not for the children who will actually receive “life”.

Now, I’m obviously no celebrity (outside my own mind)…But, I’m trying to do what I can. However, here’s the big question:

If a NON-celeb goes silent…will anyone hear?

Tomorrow I die so that kids in Africa won’t have to.

No Twitter – sorry 85 followers
No Facebook – sorry 167 fans
No Blog – sorry 40 & 49 followers
No Videos – sorry 19 subscribers

Can some dude in Canada and his modest fan base make a dent in this lofty goal? Why not? I may not have 7,000,000 little monsters following me like Lady Gaga, but I’m a dreamer with the best of them.

Believe me, if I raise $10 total (thanks to my mom, ahead of time) then it’s all good. $10 goes along way in Africa, but I refuse to see any reason why it can’t be more!

I’m calling on Non-Celebs everywhere to Keep a Child Alive by buying back a fellow Non-Celeb life.  (Note: I will accept celebrity donations, as well).


Would you buy back my online life for a simple $10 donation?

If so, maybe you'll read this future headline:

Team “Some Dude in Canada” raises more than Team Seacrest!

Okay, that would be a miracle. But, with Christmas fast approaching, I would like to quote Hans Gruber from Die Hard: “Theo. It’s Christmas. It’s the time for miracles.”

I know you’re not Theo (unless you are), but you get the point.

Now, I’m not on the official web page (, but I’ve created an account with It’s a secure donation site that will send your contributions directly to Keep a Child Alive.

Help an AIDS affected child in Africa or India today. Buy my life back!

Click Image to Donate.  Thanks!

P.S. I’m really, really counting on YOU to share this link with all the people you know, as much as you can because…well…I wont’ be able to.

I’ll be dead!

"There is a profound difference between living and life.
Living may extend time for another day.
But life is far more than sleeping and waking.
Life is more than merely existing."
– Keep a Child Alive Website

See you on the other side.

P.S. Could someone ask Seacrest if he’ll buy my life for $10? That would be awesome, thanks.

Friday, November 19, 2010

My Dad. My Hero.

*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

Tomorrow is my Dad's birthday.  This Flashback is for you...and him.  Enjoy!

My Day.  My Hero
Original Post Date:
Nov. 20, 2009

I have great parents.

When I was growing up, I always wanted to have kids. And, I figured that if I could be just half of what my parents were...then I’d be doing pretty well.

Then, I became a parent, and it hit me. I’m a father! I am half of what my parents were. Mission accomplished!

Now, if only I could somehow get to be half of what my father is. That’s the real test. Because, truth be told. That bar is pretty high. It may never happen.

He truly is an incredible man.

I’ve known my dad since I was born. And over the years, he has passed many of his traits onto me.

I have the Boyle nose…just like him. It took me a while to embrace it, but I love it now (see Boyle Nose).

I shake my leg, whenever I’m sitting down relaxing…just like him. My wife is annoyed by my habit, every bit as much as my mom is annoyed by his.

I whistle in the car…just like him. I even do tunes that he’s whistled, since I was child, and I still have no idea what songs they are.

I have his sense of humour, his enjoyment of sport and his love of family.

I also like to think that there are many character qualities that we share as well, but I will leave those for others to point out. Because, although I strive to be like him in so many areas of character, I don’t feel I match up in most of them.

My dad loves unconditionally. He serves without strings attached. He sacrifices constantly. He gives, more than, generously. He leads with humility. He’s not just patient…he’s long-suffering. And, he doesn’t raise his voice, because he doesn’t need to.

My dad is the best example of Jesus I’ve ever known, and it is by his loving example, that I properly understand God as Father.

I could fill pages with stories and examples of all that makes my dad so special, but I've chosen to highlight just a few.

1) My dad gives freely...and cheerfully.
I still can’t believe that he handed over his '92 World Series tickets to me and my sister. He certainly didn’t know Joe Carter would hit such a monumental and dramatic home run, but I don’t doubt, for one minute, that he hoped his kids would see something that special.

And, after it happened, I don’t believe he regretted his sacrifice, either. In fact, even if he did know such a moment was going to happen. I think he would have given us the tickets anyways!

2) My dad pays attention to the little things.
Every day after work, when I was growing up, he would arrive home with chocolate bars for my mom, sister and myself. It was always our favourite kind, and no matter how many times my favourite changed (O-Henry, Mars, Smarties, Mr. Big, Kit Kat, Aero…), he always brought home the right one.

3) My dad is always there.
He’s attended every pivotal moment of my well as every baseball game, school play, special speaking opportunity or any other event that has been important to me. Now, I know “every” is an exaggeration, but it certainly feels like it’s true.

If he could make it…he’d be there.

For years, I’d be playing ball and look up to see my dad, reading his paper, in the stands. Sometimes it looked like he wasn’t paying attention, but after every game, he’d tell me how I played. He was watching.

4) My dad is 100% behind me following my dreams. 
Heidi (my wife) tells me that she is my biggest fan. But, I disagree. Because, even though my dad has never uttered those words, I know that he’s my biggest fan. He has done everything humanly possible to make sure that I’ve been able to pursue those things that I love to do.

And one day, somehow, I’ll be able to repay him.

5) My dad doesn’t care if he’s repaid.____________________________________

Today is my dad’s birthday. I won’t tell you how old he is; although I don’t think he’d really care. But, I will tell you that he is older than me…and my sister – just not combined.

But, what do you give a man, who doesn’t seem to want or need anything beyond what’s best for those around him? I’ve struggled with this for years, so I just keep getting him books.

Well this year – along with a book – I want to simply say,

Thanks, dad! For everything…and beyond. I love you more than you’ll ever know. You are the most awesome dad (and "papa") in the world. You have been, are, and always will be…my hero.

Have a wonderful birthday. You deserve it.

*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

Monday, November 15, 2010

Meet Kelita

Each week, I'll be taking some time to introduce you to a blog I find interesting, funny or absurd.  Although the content you will be exposed to won't be coming directly from my mind, it will definitely be something my mind loves. So, if you enjoy my'll enjoy these friends.

“All men are created equal (and) are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable Rights that among these are
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

I’m not sure if I saw the above quote on the back of cereal box or on a bathroom wall, but it really should be put in some official document…’cause it’s really good.

Anyways, wrapped up in those three rights are many smaller rights. One of which I like to refer to as,

the right to possess the ability to laugh.”

When people, for any number of situations, aren’t able to laugh...I feel sad.  Now, I realize there is a time for everything.  There are times to laugh and there are times to cry but, some of those “sad” times are inevitable – like death, while others occur despite being preventable - like the movie “Leprachaun”.

Okay, as brutal as it was, even Jennifer Aniston would agree there are worse things than “Leprachaun”. Way worse.

Extreme Poverty, Cancer and Child Abuse…just to name a few.

As a comedian, I believe that everyone deserves to laugh...and none of the above is funny in the least.  Therefore, they need to stop.

There are situations when an amusing blog, video or live performance will bring welcome relief in a time of hardship, but there are other times when more than a good chuckle is needed.  With that in mind, I not only strive to give the gift of laughter but am intent on finding ways to use my creative avenues to help hurting people get back to a place where they are able to laugh at all.

That is why I ran a marathon for Haiti, have grown a moustache for MOvember and am taking today to introduce you to


Kelita is a very special woman. I’ve worked with her in the past and I miss her immensely. She’s an extraordinary comedienne, singer/songwriter, speaker who is on an extraordinary mission.

“There are over 1.2 million children in our world today who are victims of child exploitation.
The buying and selling of little children for sex and pornography is a multi billion dollar business.”

Kelita, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, has become a justice advocate and fundraiser for Cambodians who are victims of the child sex trade. She is also the director and founder of “Heavenly Night” which was “birthed out of her passion to help those who have been enslaved and fight the injustices.” (quote from her website).

With this Friday, November 19 being International Prevention of Child Abuse Day, I didn't think there was a better blog to recomment you Mix & Mingle with.

Kelita is helping children laugh again.  Please check out her blog HERE...and tell her Timmy says he misses her.

Have a good one,

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Baby Whisperer (Repost)


To read this entry, and many other greats from the past,
you’ll need to buy a copy of the greatest collection of wit this side of Jupiter.

Timmys Book Inside Timmys Mind



A great gift for any literate person
A must for any coffee table or bathroom basket
A rock solid financial investment.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Making of a Champion 'Stache!

MOvember UPDATE: Week 2

Well, I’ve been rockin’ the ‘stache for a full week and, I must say, it’s really beginning to grow on me.

Apparently, I’m rockin’ the double entendre as well.

Anyways, when my wife gave me the okay to dive lip-first into the MOvember pool, I’m sure she was hoping for a ripple…not a splash. So, when I handed the future of my face into the hands of the voting public she, rightfully, squirmed.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Heidi believes in the democratic process - when it comes to decisions made outside our home – but she also believes in Murphy’s Law.

You see, in her mind, there was one very wrong choice among the ‘stache candidates that, because of cosmic energy focused on turning our world upside-down, would ultimately end up winning.

And, she was right…about the winner, not the ‘stache.

I believe the best ‘stache won and know this: Murphy’s Law is no match for Hulkamania.

Filling out rather nicely, I’d say!

I’m takin’ my vitamins, sayin’ my prayers and rockin’ the ‘stache to raise awareness and funds for prostate cancer research.

Every donation (big or small) will help do the following:

1) Body Slam prostate cancer and,
2) Make my wife feel better!

Please visit my MOvember profile page and tag in, by leaving a small donation to this very important cause.


Before I go, let me introduce you to a Mo Bro and a Mo Sista:


Have a good one,

Monday, November 8, 2010

Meet Inksnatcher

Each week, I'll be taking some time to introduce you to a blog I find interesting, funny or absurd.  Although the content you will be exposed to won't be coming directly from my mind, it will definitely be something my mind loves. So, if you enjoy my'll enjoy these friends.

There is a time for everything under the sun…except to watch Gnomes and Trolls. Just don’t. You won’t be missing anything. No, seriously…don’t even Google it.

Anyways, there is…

…a time for war and a time for peace.

…a time to eat muffins and a time to not.

…a time to find “funny” by way of deliberate systematic searching and a time to accidentally stumble across “funny” while perusing your facebook wall in the early hours of a holiday Monday.

…a time to sow and a time to reap.

Today, I’d like to focus on the third one. If, however, you’re interested in my take on the other three, you’ll have to wait for my other blogs - which are presently under construction:, and,

A month ago, I was checking out what was happening in Facebook World on a beautiful Canadian Thanksgiving morning. Some new friendships had been formed and a few personality tests had been taken. Two profile pics had been changed (one not necessarily for the better) and a call to “like” “love” was being circulated (I passed). It was all pretty ho-hum until I read this status:

If you haven't read my latest blog post yet
and you are of the female persuasion (or you have moobs), read it

Now, I’m not of the female perusasion (although females can persuade me) and I don’t have moobs, but I hadn’t read her lastest blog post…and it had the word “moob” in it, so I checked it out.

And you should too.


Inksnatcher is an incredibly diverse blog which comes as no surprise seeing as Sally, the soul behind the writing, describes herself as,

Seeker, thinker, writer, chef, lover of God, strategist, counselor,
dream interpretor, singer, consumer, facilitator, mediator, mother, wife.

And I’d like to add - to the front of the list…Woman of Wit.

As a side note, my grade nine English teacher was also a dream interpretor but, despite a great effort, I ultimately think my child-drawn, cartoon-style, crayon-coloured dream featuring me as Charlie Brown stumped him. Sally…let’s talk.

Inksnatcher has stuff for the Mind, Body and Spirit with topics covering technology to business advice to food. However, it’s Sally’s highly amusing and unique take on everyday life that sold me.

On Public Gassings:

“Who knows what chemical reaction occurred in the bowels of my being,
but as we swayed our way into spiritual ecstasy, I felt air bubbles travel down to my cheeky parts.”

On Exercise (or the lack there of):

“I can’t believe that if Jesus told me to get up and walk he’d force me onto the dreaded Stairmaster. Jesus is sweet and kind: in Sunday school they always told me that. Then again, in paintings, he only ever has the little lambs on his shoulders, not the belly bulging ewes.”

On Spammers:

“I do not understand Russian, понимать, but if I were a guy and I hadn’t heard that most Russian brides are nut jobs, I might have been interested. Good luck with that visa application.”

Funny AND educational.

VISIT Inksnatcher's blog and be sure and tell her that Timmy sent you.
BUT, if you're of the female persuasion or have "moobs" START HERE.  Enjoy.

Have a good one,

Friday, November 5, 2010

Grey Hair! The End is Near...or Not. (Repost)

*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

Having recently visited the barber (read the very exciting account here), I began thinking about hair...and recalled this blast from the past.  Enjoy!

Grey Hair!  The End is Near...or Not.
Original Post Date:
Oct. 8, 2009

Heidi just celebrated her birthday. She is now _____ years old.

Now, according to "The Official Un-Written Rules of the Known Universe" (a book that records all of the unwritten rules), I am not at liberty to publicly announce my wife's age. However, I am allowed to announce mine. Actually, according to that same book, so could she.

I am...36. And, I'm not quite sure what to think about that.

Now, if you think that my wife's birthday is what got me pondering my own life and mortality...then you'd be wrong. It's just a coincidence really.

You see, her birthday just happened to be the same day that I went to get a haircut. Which, quite honestly, was the first hair cut I've had in...way too long! Actually, it looked like I hadn't cut it since the 80's. Over the last few weeks, I have been sporting a thick, partial mullet-like do, that feathered and curled at my shoulders. Not good. I know.

Anyways, it was as I was getting my locks chopped that I noticed, amongst the falling hair, a fair bit of...grey. And that got me thinking. I'm getting old.

Not old old, mind you. I mean, I still have all my teeth and don't find Bingo all that exciting. But, in general, grey hair is a sign of significant accumulation of years.

I have been alive for over three and a half decades. I find that weird. I am presently living in my fourth calendar decade...and about to pass into my fifth. Birthed in the 70's, shaped by the 80's, confused by the 90's, greyed by the 00's (I don't know how to say that) and who knows what the 10's have in store for me. Probably Arthritis.

But, depending on who you believe, I'm not even half way through my life. According to the CIA (who, based on an uncanny similarity in their stats, apparently get their information from Wikipedia) I should live 78.69 years. This puts my death - taking into account Leap Years - around Mar. 28, 2052...late evening. If your Jewish that would be the during the years 5812-5813, Buddhist the year 2596 and Islamic between 1474-1475. And, if you happen to follow Unix Time it will fall somewhere between 2587680000 and 2619302399.

Regardless...It's a Thursday. Sadly, I might miss that evenings episode of Survivor 104! Anyways, mark that day on your calendars. Actually circle the Monday. April 1st would be a great day to have my funeral.

But circle it in pencil, because Statistics Canada doesn't even think I'll get that far. They say I'll only live 78.4 years. My own country is short changing me three and half months. So, just a heads up to all my friends and family...You might not get Christmas presents from me in 2051.

The United Nations says I won't live beyond 78.3 years! There's another month gone. But, if anyone knows for sure, it's the United Nations. Figuring out life expectancy is what they spend most of their time doing...along with listing the nicest countries to live in.

Then, there is one particular Facebook application that says I'll make it to "Between 75 and up". Now, I'm not sure this one is very scientific though, because the only other possible result was "Between 75 and down".

And what if they mean Draconic years...or even Lunar years. That could shave up to 5 months off my expected Gregorian life span.

Regardless, I figure I have, at the very least, 39 more years...if all goes well. By "going well" I mean that I don't start smoking, I don't have to stay in any Super 8 Motels and I manage to keep myself out of the path of rampaging axe murderers.

In fact, what I really need to do is convince my family to move to Iceland, because if the stats are right...the fountain of youth abides amongst the Nordic people. That move would buy me another couple of years...which I'd probably just use up during my first skiing expedition. So maybe I'll just stay where I am, dye my hair and see what happens.

Of course, why bother with the dye. There is always a chance, that those wacky Mayans were right and in 2012...we're all done anyways. Grey hair or not.

Have a good one,

*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Keyboard

Dear Generation Keyboard,

You were born during a time when learning how to crawl and learning how to type happened simultaneously.

Upon first glance, your generation looks like every other but a closer examination of your hands reveals your place in history. It is hard to ignore the characters A,S,D,F,J,K,L and : imprinted on the eternal callus’ of each finger tip.

Typing is not what you do. It is who you are. And Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is your generation’s un-escapable occupational hazard.

Now, I am not anti-keyboard but I do feel its omni-presence has pushed the art of handwriting high enough on the endangered species list that it is presently on the verge of extinction.

I’m sure you are wondering why this is even a problem. After all, computers aren’t the future…they are the present.

Well, after years of extensive research, I have concluded there is one very important reason why putting pen to paper should not only be kept alive but be encouraged, once again, to thrive.

That reason is

Editor’s Note: Due to a very foreseen computer malfunction this letter could not be completed. However, you can receive the letter in its entirety by ordering a handwritten copy.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Movember - Promoting Optimism

Rockin' the 'Stache for prostate cancer...



Have a good one,

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Shave, a Haircut and a Fainting Spell for Prostate Cancer!

When my wife suggested that I become a Mo Bro to help raise awareness and funds for prostate cancer, I was shocked.

Now, please understand, my reaction was not because my wife is of the uncharitable sort but rather it was that she hates moustaches.

However, she (for reasons yet discovered) not only gave me permission to take part in MOvember, but allowed me to put my face, and potential ‘stache, in the hands of others.

Last week, 10 potential ‘stache candidate were offered up the voting public and yesterday the winner was announced (see final results).  For the 30 days of November I will be rockin’…“The Hulkster”!

The standard procedure for Movember is for one to start the month completely clean shaven and grow their preferred ‘stache throughout the month. For many it is seen as a grow-off of sorts.

I, on the other hand, have taken a different route. Riding what is a clearly a wave of grace from my wife and not knowing if such a great opportunity will ever be granted again I wasn’t about to waste any ‘stache time.

Therefore, I stopped shaving 2 weeks ago, letting a full beard grow in, so on November 1st I’d be able to hit the ground running.

Embracing the “man” spirit, I decided to visit the candy striped pole and let an old school barber shape my ‘stache into being with a classic “shave & a haircut”.

ROMA - BARBER SHOP Queen Street, Toronto

I was very excited…

...and slightly nervous. You see, from the moment my face became “shaveable” until yesterday I had only used electric razors. I have NEVER put a blade to my face…let alone beside my jugular.

But, this guy knew what he was doing…right?

I sat in the chair, described what I was looking for and my good man went to work.

After forming a rough ‘stache (with an electric razor) he then moved on to my hair cut. It was the best hair cut I’ve ever received. He took his time…and earned himself another customer. There’s no way I’m heading back to the franchised “salons”.

Anyways, it was now onto the real work...

Slight Apprehension
Is the red sheet to hide the blood spills?

The Hot Cloth
It looks like an "after" face lift picture

All Lathered Up
It was like being covered in whip cream by my wife...but not as fun.

Hypnotic State
I didn't know he cast a spell on me until I saw these pics.

The First Cut
He seems to be getting ready to dig deep

Passing Out
True Story...
...I don't know why.  It may have been the combined odours of the alcohol wipe & the shaving cream.  Maybe the hot cloth had been too hot.  Or maybe it was feeling a blade running up and down my neck.  Whatever the stomach was spinning, my eyesight was blurring and I was perspiring as if I was wearing a parka during an African Safari.

The barber quietly asked me if I was doing okay.  To which I responded...


After opening the door for some fresh air and taking a brief moment to let me breath normally again...the shave recommenced...except now my barber was the one feeling nervous.

Slight Apprehension
Is he dead?

He's Alive
...or something like that

Sizing me up
If I didn't survive he was going to mount my head on his wall 

The Massage?
Yep!  You get a shoulder massage at Roma's!  It was awesome. 
He told me to tell when I was relaxed.  The massage lasted 2 hours...

Sweat Hog!
I told you I had been perspiring!

War Wound
I hope it scars.

Hulkamania is alive and well! 

I've got an entire month to try and FILL IT OUT...and reach my FUNDRAISING GOAL for prostate cancer research!

I hope to raise $1 for every hour that I rock the 'stache!
MY GOAL:  $720  

Please consider helping me (and my team) RAISE FUNDS for prostate cancer research by donating at my secure MOvember profile page

- In 2010 tragically more than 4,400 men will die as a direct result of prostate cancer -

1) You most likely know a man who has been, or will be, diagnosed with prostate cancer!
2) My wife Heidi has to live with "The Hulkster" for 30 days.  Don't let it her sacrafice be in vain!   

Thanks ahead of time...and stay tuned for all the TUESDAY UPDATES throughout MOvember!

Have a good one,
Hulkster Jr.  

Monday, November 1, 2010

Rockin' the 'Stache RESULTS

It was an easy decision to rock the 'stache for MOvember to help raise awareness and funds for prostate cancer research.  It wasn't so easy to decide which 'stache I should rock.

So...I put my face in your hands.  Last week I posted 10 potential 'staches and, embracing the democratic process, I opened the polls.  Ladies and Gentlemen, the results are in.

It was a tight race.

Six 'staches were eliminated very quickly as the public was obviously focusing on only four candidates.  The big four would go on to collect 76% of the votes.  The "Hulkster" took an early lead, but was soon facing competition from the "Handlebars".  As the "Handlebars and "Classic Selleck" duked it out for most of the week, the "Clooney" slowly made it's move...

With ONE vote separating the winner and runner up, here is how it all finished up:

4th Place - 15%

3rd Place - 17%

Runner Up - 21%


For the month of MOvember I will proudly be rockin' the "HULKSTER"! I am heading to the barber today to get a REAL shave (I've never used a blade...ever!)

TUNE in TOMORROW to read about my first "Shave and a Haircut" experience and see my NEW LOOK.  Don't you dare miss it!

Thanks so much for your support, but the real work begins today.  Please consider helping me (and my team) RAISE FUNDS for prostate cancer research by donating at my secure MOvember profile page

- In 2010 tragically more than 4,400 men will die as a direct result of prostate cancer -

1) You most likely know a man who has been, or will be, diagnosed with prostate cancer!
2) My wife Heidi has to live with "The Hulkster" for 30 days.  Don't let it her sacrafice be in vain!   

Thanks ahead of time! 

Here are the results of the also-rans...with a few final thoughts:

5th Place (Tie) - 6%

7th Place (Tie) - 4%

9th Place (Tie) - 0 VOTES 

The final votes reveal a few things:
1) The Beatle's moustache phase was questionable at the time and, with the entire Sgt Pepper Collection receiving only 16% of the votes, it clearly holds true today.
2) Hulkamania is alive and well!

Making a difference...with my face,

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