Thursday, September 30, 2010

You've Been Tagged!

The Facebook community has a fascination with the making of personal lists, passing those lists on, and then “tagging” the friends they want to encourage to also make and pass on a list.

If you’re a Facebookite (or is it, Facebookian?) you have definitely come across the following post…unless your “friends” really couldn't care less about you:

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged . You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you!

Well, recently I was “tagged”…again. It’s been just over 18 months since my last “get to know you” tag and, quite frankly, I was starting to get worried.

Now, I did briefly consider the option of cut & paste to simply repost that old list as a recent blog entry. After all, I have many new “friends” who never read the original and I have a sneaking suspicion that neither did any of my old “friends”.

So, baring my soul for the whole world to see, here are:

25 random things, facts, habits and goals about Timmy

1. I wear wool socks 24-7, 12 months of the year…except while swimming.

2. The first stage play I wrote - and starred in - was the, "White Footed Mukaluk".  Why Broadway hasn't called is beyond me.

3. My baseball number is 3…in honour of the number 3.

4. I know a Prime Minister runs my country, but I have no clue what his name is.

5. I’ve been married for 10 years and have enjoyed a minute of it…I mean “every”.

6. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth and lunch with Ben Stiller.  However, I’ll settle for one tooth and 30 minutes in a coffee shop.

7. I’ve always thought Wonder Woman’s invisible plane was silly. Just look for the crouching, floating woman.

8. On Wii Fit, I can do the Downward Facing Dog better than any dog.

9. I often wish I could have been around to fake the moon landing.

10. I’ve seen Spice World more than any other movie…and still can’t figure out why it didn’t win an Oscar.

11. Jeff Probst and Ryan Seacrest have the two best jobs in the entire world!

12. I believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny...but not Snuffleupagus.

13. I have something in common with Miss Universe Canada.

14. I learned how to tread water while watching a GIJOE PSA. Yo Joe!

15. I’ve never written a list longer than 15 items.

16. As of today, I’ve only written one list longer than 15 items.

17. I’ve banned Elmo from appearing on my vlogs because of his racy outfits.

18. I went to film school. No wait. I was “enrolled” in film school.  Apparently, there is a difference.

19. I often vote via the “write-in” section on the ballot, but to no avail. Canada has yet to be run by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sarah Palin or Captain Caveman.

20. I really don’t think Cheese Whiz should have the word “cheese” in it.

21. I cry everytime I watch Rudy, clips of Joe Carter hitting the World Series winning homerun and any episode of Mr. Belvedere - That man was so nice.

22. I heart Jonas.

23. I am president (and founder) of the Jane Leeves’ Calves Fan Club. Have you seen those legs?!

24. I start every day by waking up.

25. There is nothing that brings me more satisfaction than making someone laugh.  My goal is to bring quality, clean entertainment to the world via live performance, writing and video!  Please help me spread Up Standing Comedy

YOU'VE ALL BEEN TAGGED!

If you believe in Up Standing Comedy please CHECK OUT and SHARE the following links:

www.upstandingcomedy.ca (Book a clean stand-up comedian)
www.youtube.com/upstandingcomedy (Subscribe to the video channel)
www.insidetimmysmind.com (Subscribe to the blog)
www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=52291576434&v=info (Join the Fan Page)

Thanks so much.  I really can't do this alone.
Have a good one,
Timmy

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

FYI - Vendredi isn't Wednesday

Welcome to Video Vendredi....on Mercredi!

If you make comments about my bad hair or lack of fashion, I'll probably ignore it. But, if you try to imply that my French is less than impeccable...



Have a good one,
Timmy

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

That's Cheeky!

When Worlds Collide.

After experiencing a moment that can only be described as magical (and miraculous, mysterious, mystifying) then a person would be amiss if they didn’t share it.

So, having just experienced that magical (and miraculous, mysterious, mystifying) moment I am taking time to write about it.

However, when writing about a moment of magic (and miracle, mystery, mysticism) it is important that your opening line be one that causes awe and wonder.

After 15 minutes of mental wrestling over that perfect opening line, I finally settled on those three words…which I will write again for those who are unable to figure out what three words I am talking about.

When. Worlds. Collide.

It sounds so ominous, yet impressive and thought-provoking. And, quite honestly, I was surprised at myself for coming up with such a powerful phrase…until I realized that I had heard it before.  But, where?

Enter Wikipedia.

“'When Worlds Collide' is a 1933 science fiction novel co-written by Philip Wylie and Edwiin Balmer…Sven Bronson, a South African astronomer, discovers that a pair of rogue planets, Bronson Alpha and Bronson Beta, will soon enter the solar system. The larger one, Alpha, will pass close enough to cause catastrophic damage. Eight months later, after swinging around the Sun, Alpha will return to pulverize the Earth…”

…Blah, Blah, Blah.

It’s not quite as spectacular as my moment, but I can see how some might find their little cosmic drama intriguing.

Anyways, in life…collisions happen.

Of course, not all collisions are bad and, of those that are, very few actually involve the total annihilation of our planet
.
The one I just experienced was a good collision. And by good collision, I don’t mean the one where you get run over by an 18-wheeler carrying dairy products which leads to an out-of-court settlement that provides your family with a life-time supply of yogurt.

No. I’m talking about that moment when two seemingly unrelated elements, surprisingly, come together to produce something amazing.

You see, last Monday I began my Wii Fit exercise routine (again), working primarily on flexibility and core strength. *Note: Exercise Routine = Earth.

On Thusday, I was reading the paper (again), working primarily on reading and comprehension. Eventually, I came across an article about marketing. It was short and filled with easy words…so I read it. *Note: Marketing Article = Rogue Planet.

Well as a result, unbeknownst to me, that rogue planet was now on a collision course with my earth. And today…it hit. But, instead of destruction it brought life and purpose!

The newspaper article was about KFC’s latest campaign to advertise on butts!


And it got me thinking. (Insert joke about Timmy thinking about women’s butts here).

What amazing timing!  I just happen to have a series of short videos that I need to creatively promote and, as a result of Wii Fit, I now have a buttocks that is definitely billboard material.


So, here is the result of this epic collision:


Is that awesome, or what!

And while we’re at it...this is for my friends at Connecting Now.  Be sure and check their awesome advice column!


You’re welcome, Lisa.

*Editor's Note:  Connecting Now responded to my post with a Re"butt"al.  Check it out HERE.
Have a good one,
Timmy

Monday, September 27, 2010

MMM - Jazz Unhinged

Welcome to Mix & Mingle Monday. Each week, I'll be taking some time to introduce you to a blog I find interesting, funny or absurd.  Although the content you will be exposed to won't be coming directly from my mind, it will definitely be something my mind loves. So, if you enjoy my mind...you'll enjoy these friends.
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Today, I would like to mix it up a bit in the mingling department. Instead of being introduced to another blogger/blog I’d like to introduce you to a band. Yep. A band.

Ladies and Gentlemen...
JAZZ UNHINGED


Back in April, while I was still in the planning stages for my Dare2Deam fundraising comedy show, a long-time friend (Scotty) wondered if I’d be interested in adding live music to the event.

Being a phenomenal drumming talent (Scotty, not me) I trusted that any band he was a part of would have members of equal, if not greater, musical ability. And, on May 1st 2010 at Seriously Funny!, I was proven correct.

That night Jazz Unhinged, whose slogan is “Make Jazz New, Make New Jazz”, treated those in attendance to an amazing and very unique musical experience. Their high-quality, energetic pre-show really set the mood for the entire evening, and their presence throughout the show helped maintain it.

It only took this one encounter for me to know that I wanted to work with these very talented and versatile musicians again. I am very excited to announce that time has already come.

A few weeks ago, after a brief meeting, Jazz Unhinged agreed to compose original music for my upcoming video projects. In fact, they have already completed a brilliant theme song for my first mini-mini web series, Pessimus Prime.  Check out the first episode here:





Their website boldly proclaims that Jazz Unhinged are “a force to be reckoned with!”

Who wouldn’t want to be connected with a force like that?

Hear some Jazz Unhinged: www.jazzunhinged.ca
Enjoy.

*If you have an amusing or interesting blog that you think could be highlighted on Mix & Mingle Monday send me an email (timmyboyle AT upstandingcomedy.ca)*

Friday, September 24, 2010

LOL...ya right! (Repost)

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

This Flashback was requested by Steve A.  Enjoy!

LOL...ya right!
Original Post Date:
Aug. 31, 2009

A few weeks ago I talked about my feelings regarding emoticons. I don't hate the :) I just don't think it should be used after sarcastic or ironic comments. But then there is LOL and all of it's little annoying shorthand friends.

Just like the emoticon, I will admit that there is a time and place for these little emotional textings. Like...oh, I don't know...when they actually describe what you are doing. That would be a novel idea.

I bet 90% of the time (I'm being optimistic), the person who writes LOL didn't really LOL. They probably should have just written CM (Chuckling Mildly). Now, I am a person who likes to laugh and laughs often, but I don't LOL very much. In Meet the Parents, Ben Stiller's character spikes a volleyball into the bride-to-be's nose. LOL! I busted a gut when I watched that...almost peed (how do you spell that?) my pants.

But those moments in life are very few and far between. LOL should be saved for only the classic comedic moments of life which, in most cases, doesn't happen in a text message...unless you've got a comedic genius on the other end or you don't get out much, in general. Most of the time I CM or maybe even CMOL...but LOL?...you got to earn that. If I ever type LOL in response to something sent my way, then believe me...it was darn funny...and I REALLY did LOL. And that should be true for you too!

I'll tell you what I never do, and neither does anyone else for that matter. ROFL. C'mon! ROFL? Really? Someone types a humourous statement and you get up out of your chair, lie on the ground and ROFL? If LOL is usually one big lie, than ROFL is the mother of all lies.

Now, I'm not saying that type of emotional response never happens, because it does...I've seen it. What I am saying is that you are definitely NOT ROFL while you're at your computer or on the bus reading a message off your "text machine" (I don't want to give anyone free advertising).

Even if what was written was so SUPER funny that it really did knock you onto the floor in a spontaneous emotional moment, then you wouldn't be typing ROFL...because you'd be too busy ROFL. And you definitely aren't going to type ROFL, and then get up and ROFL. That would be just plain weird! "Hey, that was funny! I think I'm going to ROFL. Here I go."

Wacko.

Then we have LMAO. Think about it. Enough said.


What I'm saying is this: Just be real! If you REALLY did LOL, then type LOL. If you REALLY did ROFL, then type ROFL (after it's run the course). And, if your A REALLY did fall O then... you might want to type 911.

Have a good one,
Timmy

*FLASHBACK UPDATE
This post went on to become my first blog entry to make it's way to the big stage.  Here is the slightly modified version during a live performance almost exactly eight months later:




*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

Thursday, September 23, 2010

My Cats Are Out To Get Me!

The world seems to be separated into two very distinct categories.

Me and everyone else.

But that’s for another day.

However, there is yet another way to divide this great planet of ours.

There are those who love cats and those who…

…watch Glee.

Sorry. I’m not sure why, but I suddenly realized that I’m probably the only living person to have never referenced Glee in their blog (let alone watched an episode) so I took the opportunity to drop it in…even though it didn’t actually make sense.  Unless, of course, all Glee watchers hate cats…because then we have something.

Anyways, I have two cats. Spanky, the sour, cranky, but occasionally cute, fluffy grey one, and Podgy, the mentally challenged, incredibly needy, food hoarding fat black one.

They’re adorable.

Really.

Interestingly enough, as my sarcasm comes pouring out onto the virtual page, one of those furry precious gifts is coughing up something nasty onto my very real and recently cleaned carpet.

Coincidence? I think not.

Cats are a sinister breed. Deceptive, even.

Think Puss from Shrek.


Cats know more than we think they know and are capable of greater evil than we can ever imagine.

I simply don’t trust them.

People have said that dogs are smarter than cats because they can do tricks. Well, I’m certainly in the camp that agrees that cats actually prove their amazing intelligence by NOT rolling over for our amusement.

Some wise man from the distant past (probably the 80’s) once said, “Cats were worshipped in Egypt and they’ve never forgotten it.

Take that to the bank!

If you were to sit in the center of a very large empty room, with plenty of roaming space all around you, and began to assemble a puzzle, any cat worth its cattiness would wait until you were half-finished and then wander all the way over...just to step into your project. Mean? Yes.

Then they would slowly spin around making sure to kick away any loose pieces. Cruel? You bet.

Then they would flop onto the ground so as to destroy everything you have worked on. Malicious? Certainly.

Then, with a side glance and a smirk (I’ve seen the smirk), they’d stretch their elastic-like body as far as they possibly could...scattering the entire puzzle out of arms reach.

It is a shock and awe campaign like no other. Every move the cat makes is slow and calculated yet it is so deceptively swift that it paralyzes you into doing nothing until it’s too late. And, when you do finally snap out of the hypnotic state and try to remove the perpetrator from the scene of the crime, the cat goes “dead weight” limp and begins to madly swing their tail in a last ditch effort to make sure that at least one piece gets lost, so you’ll never be able to finish the puzzle…ever!

Knowing that blank gap in the center of your beautiful photo of "Paris at Night" will haunt you, the cat eventually would stroll away, purring with satisfaction.

Yesterday, while cleaning the living room, I stumbled across my cat’s most recent plot. And, quite frankly, I’m terrified. As I swept the cat hair off my carpet and couch I was astonished at the sheer mass of fur that had accumulated.


I don’t know which feline (the stupid one or the lazy one) is the mastermind, but they are clearly up to something big. Really, big!

By distributing the sheddings over the entire carpet it was impossible for the naked human eye to recognize anything out of the ordinary. Their ominous plan was hidden in plain sight. Now, that’s bold!

After sizing up the situation I am now completely aware of their intentions.

They are planning to build an army of cats!

Those fiends!

I realize that by ridding the house of that giant hair ball I haven’t stopped them.  I've simply delayed the inevitable...and probably made them quite angry, in the process.  It may not be long before they figure out I'm on to them.

All I can say is when I took this picture...


...I hope they were really sleeping!

Please note:  If I succumb to an “accident” over the next few days. Suspect A and B (and possibly C) will be lounging on my couch...smirking.

Have a good one,
Timmy

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Lesson 2: Responding Efficiently

Welcome to Video Vendredi!

Sorry I missed last week.

I am still learning about the world of VLOGGING and am beginning to apply those lessons...with amazing results.






Have a good one,
Timmy

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Scarlet SALIGIA!

On the weekend, my wife and I spent our date night watching the movie Easy A with a bunch of thirteen year-olds posing as 14 year-olds (because it was rated 14-A). Please note they weren’t our kids.

Anyways, the movie is based on the book The Scarlet Letter, which tells of a 17th Century woman who, as a result of an adulterous relationship, is forced to wear on her garment, as a badge of shame, a scarlet “A” - which, for those wondering, is the first letter of adultery. I wonder what Laverne’s crime was?


Anyways, Easy A takes the issues raised by The Scarlet Letter and drops them into a 21st century context.  I rather enjoyed the movie and am well aware that, by confessing such, there may be some who would now want me to wear a badge of shame.

So, to beat everyone to the punch, I have made a shirt of my own, with the letters SALIGIA emblazoned across my chest.


They stand for…Superbia, Avaritia, Luxuria, Invidia, Gula, Ira and Acedia

Now, while all of my classical Latin friends are nodding with understanding, the rest of you are saying, "Huh?”  So, I made an English shirt as well:  PGLEGAS


Those letters stand for…Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Anger and Sloth.

Yes. That's right.  THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS!

Today, I will publicly confess my sins…for the week of Sept. 12-18, 2010. I even committed them in order. Am I good or what? Please gather around in a supportive embrace…or to toss stones. I’ll wear a helmet, just in case.

S – Superbia
On Sunday, while playing baseball, I dove to catch a ball that ended the inning and saved a run. I ran to the dugout with my head lowered in a show of humility, while inside I was screaming, “Who’s the man!? WHO…IS…THE…MAN?!” (I’m the man, in case you were wondering.)

A – Avaritia
On Monday, my family went to Great Wolf Lodge. Again. Visit number 13. It was nice. When can we go again? More Great Wolf Lodge. More Great Wolf Lodge! Sing it with me, “Great! Wolf! Lodge! HOWL!”

L – Luxuria
On Monday, while at the Lodge, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of a certain someone strolling through the lobby. She was hot. It was the newest mascot, Violet. If I was a fake, un-proportionately-sized, male wolf with a removable head …I’d be very interested.


I – Invidia
On Tuesday…still at the Lodge (apparently, the source of most of my sin) I also noticed someone frequently chatting up Violet. It was Wiley – a fake, un-proportionately-sized, male wolf with a removable head. Oh…how I wished I was him.


G – Gula
On Wednesday, I was performing at a church social event which, very pleasantly, included a luncheon. Despite having eaten my fair share and feeling quite satisfied, I went for seconds anyways. Making sure to, needlessly, stuff my tummy with yummy stuffed peppers. I think I even left some rice on the plate. Mmmm.

I – Ira
On Friday, I watched the first episode of Survivor (on tape). Each season, I become a "Survivor"…in my mind. Every week, I live with them, eat with them and share sordid stories with them. When they laugh. I laugh. When they cry. I cry. So, obviously, when that girl said that thing to that guy who told that other guy about that thing that girl said to that guy that made that other girl furious. I WAS SO MAD! I hate that guy with a passion…and I’m not sorry.

A – Acedia
On Friday, I wandered room to room dumping garbage cans and collecting recycling. I came across this one particular item that I wasn’t sure about. Was it garbage? Was it recycling? Was it both? After 5 seconds of deep pondering I tossed it in the garbage. Was I right? I don’t know…and I don’t care.

Please forgive me or...toss away!  I'm ready.

Have a good one,
Timmy

Monday, September 20, 2010

MMM - Miss Coralie

Welcome to Mix & Mingle Monday. Each week, I'll be taking some time to introduce you to a blog I find interesting, funny or absurd.  Although the content you will be exposed to won't be coming directly from my mind, it will definitely be something my mind loves. So, if you enjoy my mind...you'll enjoy these friends.
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There are some people out there (I’m pointing west out my back door, but “there” applies to all those within a million miles of my couch…in all directions) who would say, “If you don’t win…you lose.

Therefore, if you come in 2nd place or lower you, by definition, are a “Loser”.

Now, although that sounds harsh it actually seems to make a lot of sense. However, it also kind of throws off how I approach today’s post.

Last week, when I introduced you to Connecting Now as the first ever blog to be highlighted on Mix & Mingle Monday it automatically made this weeks entry the SECOND blog to be highlighted. You can see how this new string of logic puts me in a very difficult bind.

So, like I do with all other situations, I have found a way to twist it slightly to make it work for me.  Today, I’d like to introduce you the 1st blog highlighted…today!

Therefore, unlike those sorry people who have to wear silver at the Olympics (”Losers!”), this blog is a winner!

MISS CORALIE
Miss Coralie is an absolute gem.

I know she doesn’t always set out to be funny, but there is something about her take on life that almost always makes me smile.  She's charmingly blunt.   

This girl rides a unicycle, twirls fire and can step through a tennis racket (un-strung, of course). Obviously, you’ll never see that in her writing…(however, you can watch it here) but information like that certainly gives you a strong personality assessment. One day, I hope she writes a blog while simultaneously doing all the above mentioned stunts (Hint. Hint. Coralie).

Like other bloggers, Miss Coralie uses the occasional picture to spice up her words, but it’s her “Doodlies” that you don’t want to miss. These lil’ original cartoons are worth the price of admission…even if there was a price of admission. In fact, I am quite honoured to have been immortalized by Coralie as a Doodley:

Yes...that's me.  A very sophisticated me...

If you want to read a unique perspective of life you can travel to any number of blogs, but if you want Venn diagrams that unite Chuck Norris and Unicorns…

…then you need to visit Miss Coralie!

At the time of this posting Miss Coralie will have less than 20 blog entries to her name, but here’s hoping the number continues to build. She is refreshingly un-filtered!

VISIT Miss Coralie: www.corabubbles.blogspot.com
Become a follower and make sure you tell her that Timmy sent you! Enjoy.

*If you have an amusing or interesting blog that you think could be highlighted on Mix & Mingle Monday send me an email (timmyboyle AT upstandingcomedy.ca)*

Have a good one,
Timmy

Friday, September 17, 2010

Heidi's Gift (Repost)

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

This Flashback was requested by Heidi B (for obvious reasons...).  Enjoy!


HEIDI'S GIFT
Original Post Date:
Sep. 25, 2009

I have a wonderful wife...I think that's important. And it definitely takes a very special woman to completely embrace all that makes me...me.

I mean, I'll be honest with ya, there are some pretty quirky habits associated with being me. For one, I wear wool socks to bed...in the summer. Then I lie on top of the covers complaining about hot it is.


There is also my mind. It's sound and all...at least I think it is - I've never had an official assessment, but it does tend to produce some pretty "interesting" thought processes. If you follow my blog at all, you'd already be aware of this.

And, every now and then I do things that raise an eyebrow...or two. Presently, I have six "electronic pass" bracelets on my wrist, from Great Wolf Lodge (our family's happy place). The oldest band, at the time of this entry, is 15 months old. It's a little tattered, but still in tact.


I'm not quite sure what Heidi thinks every morning when she wakes up and sees me lying there. But, amazingly, she continues to stand by me in whatever I do.

Heidi has never asked me to take the bracelets off, even though she rolls her eyes every time it becomes a conversation piece, with friends and...strangers.

At Easter, my wife lets me dress up in costumes - from bunny outfits to blue sequin shirts - and dance in the street, as the parade passes in front of our house. She usually buries her head out of embarrassment...but she still lets me do it.

When I left the house early one morning, to audition to be a Deal or No Deal briefcase model, my wife sighed in disbelief, but kissed me and told me to "Have a good day.", anyways.


Just recently, she let me spend countless hours writing three blogs about...my celebrity crushes. And then she let me post it publicly! She's an awesome woman...and thankfully very secure.

Then, earlier this year, when I called home from out West, to inform her that I was considering pursuing stand-up comedy full-time...she didn't even hesitate. She gave me two thumbs up and off we went.


Over the last seven months, I've been "actively" laying the foundation for, what I hope to be, a career in the world of entertainment. It has always been a dream of mine. From my earliest years, all I've really wanted to do is make people laugh. To put a smile on some one's face by something I say or do...or wear, is one of the most satisfying things for me to do, for there is great healing in laughter.

This God-given desire is deeply ingrained in me and comes out, very naturally, in my every day life, but now is the time to pursue it as a vocation. One that will include live performance, video and...writing. So, if you have found any of my blogs, the least bit, entertaining...please pass them on to others.

Heidi and I are both, wholeheartedly, convinced that this is what we should be doing, and believe me, it is that unity that, not only makes it easier to be on what is a pretty tough road, but is crucial for any hope of success. For there is NO way I could be doing any of what I am doing or planning to do, without the absolute total support of Heidi.

She is working her tail off so that I can chase my dream and I can not express to you how much I appreciate her understanding and willingness to go down this road with me. After all, it is my dream she is following. But, Heidi is always telling me that she is my "biggest fan" and, despite the fact that she doesn't laugh at anything I do...I believe her. I really do.

Last week, our family went for our regular evening walk - which we try to do whenever possible, and stopped in at Coles Bookstore (one of our favourite checkpoints). The kids love it there. We all just wander around and look at books.

I was reading the back cover of some manual, about 10-steps to perfect health, when Jade, my oldest daughter, came over. I think it was around the time I realized that these were the same 10-steps that had been in every other health book...just in a different order. But, Jade had a book in her hand that she thought I'd be much more interested in: GI JOE vs. COBRA: The Essential Guide.

I love GI JOE, but I'll spare you those details...for now. Anyways, the book was awesome. It had every character and vehicle, depicted in colour photos and described in detail. I flipped through the pages, desperately soaking in everything I could, because I knew I wasn't going to buy it. It was too much. We're on a tight budget. Contrary to popular belief, there's not a whole lot of money in the early stages of the comedy biz.

Anyways, as I was about to put it back on the shelf, Heidi came by. She asked what I was doing. I told her I was putting the book back. She told me to buy it. I said no. She said yes. I said no. Any married person will recognize this conversational pattern.

Then, she took the book off the shelf, shoved it into my hands, looked me right in the eyes and said, quietly, but intensely "buy it...you deserve it." And with that, Heidi did what most people can't do...she left me speechless.

I have the best wife in the world! Heidi believes the book was a gift. But I can tell you that it was her words that were the true gift, and more so... her tremendous unwavering support of me and my dream.

Heidi, thanks so much for the amazingly beautiful gift...and the book.
I love you very much.

Following OUR dream,
Tim

*If you have a favourite post from the vault, let me know in the comments and I'll resurrect it on a future Flashback Friday*

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Inside the Writer's Mind

THIS ENTRY IS IN A BETTER PLACE

To read this entry, and many other greats from the past,
you’ll need to buy a copy of the greatest collection of wit this side of Jupiter.

NOW AVAILABLE!
“INSIDE TIMMY’S MIND”…THE BOOK.
Timmys Book Inside Timmys Mind

ORDER YOUR COPY HERE

READ ABOUT THE BOOK HERE

TIMMY’S MIND IS:
A great gift for any literate person
A must for any coffee table or bathroom basket
A rock solid financial investment.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

My Great Wolf Day

THIS ENTRY IS IN A BETTER PLACE

To read this entry, and many other greats from the past,
you’ll need to buy a copy of the greatest collection of wit this side of Jupiter.

NOW AVAILABLE!
“INSIDE TIMMY’S MIND”…THE BOOK.
Timmys Book Inside Timmys Mind

ORDER YOUR COPY HERE

READ ABOUT THE BOOK HERE

TIMMY’S MIND IS:
A great gift for any literate person
A must for any coffee table or bathroom basket
A rock solid financial investment.




Monday, September 13, 2010

MMM - Connecting Now

MIX & MINGLE MONDAY

Welcome to the first "Official" Mix & Mingle Monday.  Each week, I'll be taking some time to introduce you to a blog I find interesting, funny or absurd.   

Although the content you will be exposed to won't be coming directly from my mind, it will definitely be something my mind loves.  So, if you enjoy my mind...you'll enjoy these friends.

Now, there were two very strong candidates to become the answer for this future trivia question:

"What was the first ever blog to be highlighted by the critically acclaimed, 'Inside Timmy's Mind'?"

And the answer, for ever and ever, is:
CONNECTING NOW  

Connecting Now is a blog that offers "offbeat advice for everyday coNUNdrums" and it delivers that...and more.  Although Lisa Mikitarian (I had to look up the spelling) is the kingpin of the Connecting Now universe, her daughter Maddie has since been added to the line-up.  Which, might I add, may have been the wisest descision Lisa has made. I wear my Team Maddie shirt everyday.


Whether these two wise, witty women tackle the everyday coNUNdrums, submitted by their readers, individually or as a tag-team, the result is always a win.  For who?  That's debatable.  But, surely someone wins.

I not only follow the happenings at Connecting Now, but am also a client. I submitted my own coNUNdrum a few weeks back and Maddie reached out to help. My life has never been the same again. Taking her words to heart, my world has spiralled horribly out of control. But, bless her heart…but she tried.

Connecting Now is insightfully funny.  And, quite frankly, any blog that discusses Engelbert Humperdinck while doling out advice is gold in my books.

"Who's that?" she asked me.
"Why that's Engelbert, honey," I answered.
"But he's old."
"He may have aged a little from his album cover days, but he's the same singer you've always loved."
"But he's old."

CONNECT NOW to Connecting Now: http://www.lisamikitarian.com
Become a follower and make sure you tell them that Timmy sent you!  Enjoy.

Have a good one,
Timmy

Friday, September 10, 2010

FOH-NIKS (Repost)

THIS ENTRY IS IN A BETTER PLACE

To read this entry, and many other greats from the past,
you’ll need to buy a copy of the greatest collection of wit this side of Jupiter.

NOW AVAILABLE!
“INSIDE TIMMY’S MIND”…THE BOOK.
Timmys Book Inside Timmys Mind

ORDER YOUR COPY HERE

READ ABOUT THE BOOK HERE

TIMMY’S MIND IS:
A great gift for any literate person
A must for any coffee table or bathroom basket
A rock solid financial investment.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

You Too Can Dance With Brad!

Life is full of twists and turns.

I woke up this morning with a plan and it was unfolding perfectly until a horrifying reality spun my day in a completely different direction.

1. Wake up…
Check

2. Fall out of bed…
Check

3. Splash water on face…
Check

4. Stumble down stairs…
Check

5. Eat Froot Loops
“Hey, where are the Froot Loops?!”

It is moments like these that cause me to seriously ponder things like life, death and the allure of Jersey Shore.

Four minutes later, with the reflection complete, I had come to realize that life is more than Froot Loops (although not by much), death is inevitable (so why worry) and the fascination with a car wreck is an eerie, but real phenomenon (if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em).

Invigorated and inspired by this fresh perspective, I cheerfully filled up a bowl with Corn Flakes (and really…who does that?) then reached for the daily paper to read about the beautiful, purposeful and awe-inspiring things that are happening throughout our world - in particular, the world of Snooki.

Abuse…
Lawsuit…
Murder…
Assault…
Drug Deal…

Onto page 2

Vandalism…
Shooting…
Drug Overdose (and we’re not even to Snooki, yet)…
Global Warming…
Animal Cruelty…

BINGO!

People are renting celebrity look-a-likes!

That’s awesome. Some of the “big” names (Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts and, most likely, Snooki) are booked up to three months in advance! Now, no offence to those who want to be seen with a fake celeb, but I have no desire to have faux-Alyssa Milano on my arm…nor does my wife, for that matter.

However, my wife does desire that I make money, so I am definitely not going to let this little gem of an opportunity pass me by.

After all, if you’ve got…sell it.




brad-pitt-look-a-like


Of course, if you wanted to hang out with fake Timmy Boyle (which would be more likely), you could always rent Brad.  I'm sure he'd be a little easier on the budget.

Anways, all of this leads us very nicely to another article I found of equal importance.

Apparently, a European study has revealed that men who, while dancing, move their necks and trunks more to the beat of the music are the most likely to attract women!

First of all, God bless those men and women who have invested their time, energy and resources so that we can have this information. I, for one, will not let their sacrifice be in vain.

Secondly, I used the phrase “first of all” without actually having a second point.

Anyways, for all the ladies out there, here’s a little more Timmy (with special guest, Steve):



You’re welcome.

Have a good one,
Timmy

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Lesson I: Blog + Video = Vlog

Welcome to Video Vendredi!

Having recently discovered the new math, here is my first VLOG:




Have a good one,
Timmy

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Back to School: A Big Bust!

THIS ENTRY IS IN A BETTER PLACE

To read this entry, and many other greats from the past,
you’ll need to buy a copy of the greatest collection of wit this side of Jupiter.

NOW AVAILABLE!
“INSIDE TIMMY’S MIND”…THE BOOK.
Timmys Book Inside Timmys Mind

ORDER YOUR COPY HERE

READ ABOUT THE BOOK HERE

TIMMY’S MIND IS:
A great gift for any literate person
A must for any coffee table or bathroom basket
A rock solid financial investment.

Monday, September 6, 2010

An Omen...or was it?

Yesterday my family and I were visiting friends and hit the Trifecta: Great BBQ, delightful conversation and the best blueberry cheesecake in the entire known world.

We ate and laughed and…ate, long into the evening. However, it was an “All Good Thing” so, like all good things, we knew this too would not last forever.

Our desire to fight the inevitable was strong but, once again, we failed to create the eternal moment. Eventually, the sign our time had come to an end appeared.  And it was crystal clear…

The cheesecake was gone.

“Goodnight. Thanks for having us.”

With our hosts waving from their balcony, we got into our car for the trip home. Once all the doors were securely locked, mirrors properly adjusted and seat belts stretched snugly across each chest (consider that a PSA of sorts), I started the car.

Well…I “tried” to start it.

An hour later, as I watched the tow truck driver hook up my vehicle, I couldn’t help but wonder about the apparent coincidence.

The night before I’m about to start my new blogging schedule…my car won’t start.

Was it an omen!?

Nope.

Just a crappy car.


Anyways, I’m very excited about the days ahead and hopefully you are as well. Starting today there will always be something happening Inside Timmy’s Mind…except on the weekends because, as in real-life, nothing happens in my mind on the weekend.

This Monday spot will normally be reserved for “Mix & Mingle Monday”, where I will introduce you to some of the blogs & bloggers that I find interesting, funny or absurd.

With so much great stuff on the horizon, don’t forget to head over to the right-hand sidebar to SUBSCRIBE and/or FOLLOW this blog, so that you don’t miss anything...and then invite your friends!

Also, if there is any topic you're just dying to see from my perspective, make a COMMENT below...and I'll see what I can do.

Sometimes serious, mostly humourous, Inside Timmy's Mind may be a little different, but guaranteed...it will never be boring!

I have to go check on my car. See you tomorrow.

Have a good one,
Timmy
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