On the weekend, my wife and I spent our date night watching the movie Easy A with a bunch of thirteen year-olds posing as 14 year-olds (because it was rated 14-A). Please note they weren’t our kids.
Anyways, the movie is based on the book The Scarlet Letter, which tells of a 17th Century woman who, as a result of an adulterous relationship, is forced to wear on her garment, as a badge of shame, a scarlet “A” - which, for those wondering, is the first letter of adultery. I wonder what Laverne’s crime was?
Anyways, Easy A takes the issues raised by The Scarlet Letter and drops them into a 21st century context. I rather enjoyed the movie and am well aware that, by confessing such, there may be some who would now want me to wear a badge of shame.
So, to beat everyone to the punch, I have made a shirt of my own, with the letters SALIGIA emblazoned across my chest.
They stand for…Superbia, Avaritia, Luxuria, Invidia, Gula, Ira and Acedia
Now, while all of my classical Latin friends are nodding with understanding, the rest of you are saying, "Huh?” So, I made an English shirt as well: PGLEGAS
Those letters stand for…Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Anger and Sloth.
Yes. That's right. THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS!
Today, I will publicly confess my sins…for the week of Sept. 12-18, 2010. I even committed them in order. Am I good or what? Please gather around in a supportive embrace…or to toss stones. I’ll wear a helmet, just in case.
S – Superbia
On Sunday, while playing baseball, I dove to catch a ball that ended the inning and saved a run. I ran to the dugout with my head lowered in a show of humility, while inside I was screaming, “Who’s the man!? WHO…IS…THE…MAN?!” (I’m the man, in case you were wondering.)
A – Avaritia
On Monday, my family went to Great Wolf Lodge. Again. Visit number 13. It was nice. When can we go again? More Great Wolf Lodge. More Great Wolf Lodge! Sing it with me, “Great! Wolf! Lodge! HOWL!”
L – Luxuria
On Monday, while at the Lodge, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of a certain someone strolling through the lobby. She was hot. It was the newest mascot, Violet. If I was a fake, un-proportionately-sized, male wolf with a removable head …I’d be very interested.
I – Invidia
On Tuesday…still at the Lodge (apparently, the source of most of my sin) I also noticed someone frequently chatting up Violet. It was Wiley – a fake, un-proportionately-sized, male wolf with a removable head. Oh…how I wished I was him.
G – Gula
On Wednesday, I was performing at a church social event which, very pleasantly, included a luncheon. Despite having eaten my fair share and feeling quite satisfied, I went for seconds anyways. Making sure to, needlessly, stuff my tummy with yummy stuffed peppers. I think I even left some rice on the plate. Mmmm.
I – Ira
On Friday, I watched the first episode of Survivor (on tape). Each season, I become a "Survivor"…in my mind. Every week, I live with them, eat with them and share sordid stories with them. When they laugh. I laugh. When they cry. I cry. So, obviously, when that girl said that thing to that guy who told that other guy about that thing that girl said to that guy that made that other girl furious. I WAS SO MAD! I hate that guy with a passion…and I’m not sorry.
A – Acedia
On Friday, I wandered room to room dumping garbage cans and collecting recycling. I came across this one particular item that I wasn’t sure about. Was it garbage? Was it recycling? Was it both? After 5 seconds of deep pondering I tossed it in the garbage. Was I right? I don’t know…and I don’t care.
Please forgive me or...toss away! I'm ready.