However, I recently came across a Yahoo article titled, "Where have all the fun jobs gone?" and discovered a list of eight occupations that are fun AND lucrative (which is probably why “Comedian” wasn’t on it).
After reading it over, I quickly realized that I could easily do each of those jobs on a contract basis and thereby increase my fun level eight-fold and my lucrativity...sixteen-fold (at least).
So, apart from contacting me for comedy/emcee work, I now offer the following services:
#1 Graphic Designer
If it’s graphic...I can design it. Here is a recent project:
Basic: Any number of 2-D shapes (no colour) - $25/hr
Fancy: Add colour and things other than 2-D shapes (exceptions include animals & people) - Fee $50/hr
Sick!: Add Comic Sans text - Fee $100/hr *add $25/hour for any other fonts...in Microsoft Paint.
#2 PR/Marketing Specialist
Want people to want you. Here is a basic introduction:
“(Insert Your Name Here) is awesome!
If you want awesome, then you want (Insert Your Name Here)!
How do you spell (Insert Your Name Here)? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!”
Basic: I’ll yell the above intro from my roof - $25/yell (5 max) *add $25 during rush hour.
Print: 50 business cards handed out while I'm shopping - $50/set of 50 *add $25 to use card stock.
Interweb: I’ll put the above intro in my Facebook status. $100/day (weekly max) *Add $25 for Twitter.
Note: Insert your name into the appropriate spots for $25 - applies to all packages.
#3 Forensic Accountant
I don’t know what a Forensic Accountant is, but it probably needs a math expert.
- A+ Grades 1-9
- "Gifted" Class: Grade 10
- can recite times tables in a reasonable time frame (up to 12’s, but excluding 9’s)
- know BEDMAS
- proficient with a ruler (cm’s and inches)
- haven’t needed a 1-100 counting chart for over 15 years.
Basic: Addition and Subtraction up to 2-digits - Fee $25/hr
General: Multiplication and Division up to 2-digits - Fee $50/hr
Advanced: All other math related problems - Fee $100/hour *add $25/hr if it includes multiplying by 9’s.
Cheffery is not what I do. It’s who I am. Here is one of my secret ingredients:
Basic: "Loopy Fruity" Special - Fee: $25/bowl (incl. bowl & spoon) *add $25 for milk.
Sous-Chef: "Grilled Cheesiness" - Fee $50/sandwich *add $25 if you want cheese on it.
Top Chef: "KD Delight" - Fee $25/box (3 max) *add $25 for extra creamy and/or hot dog chunks.
#5 Event Planner
Where there is no plan...there is no event. Here is my award-winning Event Schedule:
5:45 Doors Open
6:45 Main Event – Part I
8:00 Main Event – Part II
Basic: Order the following schedule “as is” - Fee $24.95 (plus shipping) *add $25 for downloadable PDF.
Flexible: Re-arrange the order of events - Fee $50/hr (min. 3 hrs)
Alternative: Add/remove any one element - Fee $100 *add $25 for each additional alteration.
Specific: Include a "specific” in any one element - Fee $995.95 *add $25 for each additional “specific”.
Note: I’ll probably hire someone to work on any orders of Package #4.
#6 Interior Designer
Here’s a freebie:
Sets of three (or five). Complimentary colours. No shag. You're welcome.
#7 Video Game Designer
I still own Pac Man. Need I say more. Here's a screen shot of my latest idea:
*Name and image protected under copyright...when I get around to doing it.
I only have this one idea. If you want it, make me an offer. Please understand the video game market is VERY lucrative, so don’t insult me with anything less than $1,000,000.
Well there you have it. I look forward to doing business with you.
Have a good one,
NOTE: At the begining I mentioned there were eight jobs and then only listed seven. If you noticed that one was missing maybe you can be a Forensic Accountant too.
(The missing job was Massage Therapist. I left it out because you can't provide therapy for a massage. It must be a mis-print.)