Where’s the beef?
Nope. But it’s definitely where MY beef lies.
For the record, I am a meat eater and have been for as long as I can remember. My favourite dishes include Meat Loaf, Meat Balls & Meat Pies - which although they include cow are very different than “Cow Pies”.
Would you like fries with that? No thanks…but I’ll have another burger. I mean really, why would I fill up on starches when I could have a second patty? Silly rabbit, fries are for kids.
I remember the first time I ordered Wendy’s Triple Burger with cheese. It was heaven! Okay, maybe it wasn’t heaven, but it certainly almost got me there. ¾ lbs of beef, 1030 calories, 63 grams of fat and more grease than a 1950’s high school dance. My heart stopped four times. It was glorious.
Healthy? No. Satisfying? Yes!
Now, having said all that let me put it in the proper perspective.
I love meat. However, I am not a pure carnivore. I have been known to, when the social situation calls for it, eat the occasional “green” and I thoroughly enjoy watching Veggie Tales (that cucumber is so wacky).
Officially, I am what the people of Science call an “Omnivore” - although, I actually prefer the term “Semi-Carnivore” or “Carnivore with Herbivoric Tendencies”.
I am not an extre’meat’ist (“Eat meat or die!”) or a beef’angelist (“No Beef. No Peace. Know Beef. Know Peace.”). So, if you’re a vegetarian, you need not fear I will one day bludgeon you with rack of lamb or fill your mailbox with pro-protein flyers.
And, I definitely don’t participate in meat snobbery. If you and I were to go to Wendy’s and you ordered a garden salad with a plain baked potato on the side, I might chuckle mildly to myself…but I would still sit with you.
You see, I have absolutely no beef with people who choose to eat no beef.
I mean, if you want to leave "Hell’s Kitchen" and move into the "Garden of Eden", that’s your choice. I won’t come with you, but it’s a free country - which means crazy people are allowed to do illogical things.
No. My problem is people who desire to leave the world of burgers and still think they can have “Burgers”!
Burg-er n. a sandwich consisting of a fried cake of minced beef, served on a bun.
If you desire a burger then fry yourself up a nice juicy patty of minced beef, slap it on a bun and enjoy your “Burger”!
If, however, that’s not how you roll then fry yourself up a nice juicy patty of minced veggies, slap ‘em on a bun and enjoy your…“Minced Veggie Sandwich”!
It’s not a burger. It never will be!
You want to eat tofu and veggies ‘cause it’ll extend your life, fine. Stay in the garden and eat your wraps.
But if you want a BURGER…then step back into Hell’s Kitchen and enjoy a slice of Heaven!