Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I've Got A Beef with Vegetarians!

Where’s the beef?

Veggie Burgers.

Nope. But it’s definitely where MY beef lies.

For the record, I am a meat eater and have been for as long as I can remember. My favourite dishes include Meat Loaf, Meat Balls & Meat Pies - which although they include cow are very different than “Cow Pies”.

Would you like fries with that? No thanks…but I’ll have another burger. I mean really, why would I fill up on starches when I could have a second patty? Silly rabbit, fries are for kids.

I remember the first time I ordered Wendy’s Triple Burger with cheese. It was heaven! Okay, maybe it wasn’t heaven, but it certainly almost got me there. ¾ lbs of beef, 1030 calories, 63 grams of fat and more grease than a 1950’s high school dance. My heart stopped four times. It was glorious.

Healthy? No. Satisfying? Yes!

Now, having said all that let me put it in the proper perspective.

I love meat. However, I am not a pure carnivore. I have been known to, when the social situation calls for it, eat the occasional “green” and I thoroughly enjoy watching Veggie Tales (that cucumber is so wacky).


Officially, I am what the people of Science call an “Omnivore” - although, I actually prefer the term “Semi-Carnivore” or “Carnivore with Herbivoric Tendencies”.

I am not an extre’meat’ist (“Eat meat or die!”) or a beef’angelist (“No Beef. No Peace. Know Beef. Know Peace.”). So, if you’re a vegetarian, you need not fear I will one day bludgeon you with rack of lamb or fill your mailbox with pro-protein flyers.

And, I definitely don’t participate in meat snobbery. If you and I were to go to Wendy’s and you ordered a garden salad with a plain baked potato on the side, I might chuckle mildly to myself…but I would still sit with you.

You see, I have absolutely no beef with people who choose to eat no beef.

I mean, if you want to leave "Hell’s Kitchen" and move into the "Garden of Eden", that’s your choice. I won’t come with you, but it’s a free country - which means crazy people are allowed to do illogical things.

No. My problem is people who desire to leave the world of burgers and still think they can have “Burgers”!

Burg-er n. a sandwich consisting of a fried cake of minced beef, served on a bun.

Therefore…

If you desire a burger then fry yourself up a nice juicy patty of minced beef, slap it on a bun and enjoy your “Burger”!

If, however, that’s not how you roll then fry yourself up a nice juicy patty of minced veggies, slap ‘em on a bun and enjoy your…“Minced Veggie Sandwich”!

It’s not a burger. It never will be!

You want to eat tofu and veggies ‘cause it’ll extend your life, fine. Stay in the garden and eat your wraps.

But if you want a BURGER…then step back into Hell’s Kitchen and enjoy a slice of Heaven!

Have a good one,
Timmy

7 comments:

  1. Oohh - I'll be watching the comments on this one :)

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  2. Mmmmmm..... I should get my fast food burger now before ten inches of snow prevents it. But it's three hours before they begin serving...a crisis is afoot.

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  3. Joanne...the comments are few and tame. I guess my point is valid.

    Lisa...I hope you were able to get to Grease Fest before the snow came.

    Sara...eat as many wraps as you like...just don't call them burgers.

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  4. I could have used you at the radio station yesterday - talking about how great farmers are and how we produce more food on less acreage. This guy called in and said if we were all vegiturdians we would use less land. I think I kindly put in back in the box - you should have been there to help me!!! If you want to listen, here is the link. http://whtc.com/podcasts/reds-place-red-kingman/farmers-life/ Also we talked about "the Fizzy Ball" and it's on the blog :)

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  5. Is that an invitation to write some un-tame comments??? Mwah ha ha.

    I'm a wanna be vegetarian. But since I lack the actual energy to listen to my husband and kids whimper about missing BURGERS and roast beef, meat plays a major role in our home. Your point however, could be seen as unvalid (and how's that for un-tame? blah)

    They're actually called HAMburgers. And since your self-professed ticket to heaven is made with beef and contains no ham whatsoever, I think veggie lovers should be allowed to call their minced vegetable and tofu slabs burgers too. Humph. Cause really, who'd buy the silly things if they had the word 'minced' in the name? It just sounds so... cruel.

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  6. Thanks for taking the Fizzy Ball international and, yet another great radio spot. I appreciate farmers :)

    Diana,
    Well atleast "Ham" is closer to meat than Tofu :)

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