Thursday, February 24, 2011

Timmy's Top 10 Favourite Princesses! Part III

Welcome to Part 3 of Timmy's Top Ten Favourite Princesses. If you missed Part 1 or Part 2, please take a few moments to catch up by clicking HERE.

Now it is time to find out which princesses I’d love to rule with…assuming I wasn’t already married to my beautiful Queen (statements like that are what allow me to keep posting entries like this).

Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you my TOP THREE Favourite Princesses:

3. Diana
aka - Wonder Woman

Diana is Xena without the bloody past…and the leather.

She’s not just a princess. She’s an Amazon princess! Hello! She sits high on my list primarily because, as this chart shows, top to bottom her strengths clearly outweigh her weaknesses:

Bullet-Proof Bracelets
Lasso of Truth
Tiara Boomerang
Invisible Airplane
Short Shorts

Sometimes loses her invisible airplane
No leather

A princess this top heavy deserves to be recognized.

2. Leia

The only black mark against Leia is she has an absolute twit for brother…

Along with being “Force-sensitive”, this princess has more spunk wrapped up in those side hair buns than most people have in their entire body. She’s small, but feisty. Leia, got game…and a lot of it! She brought the high flying Han Solo to the ground; She talked smack to Lord Vader – the evilest dude in the entire universe; And she literally choked the life out of the biggest, meanest, ugliest slug the world has ever known…while wearing a golden medal bikini.

Have you ever tried to strangle a giant slug while wearing a golden medal bikini? Give this princess the props she deserves.

1. Diana (of Wales) 

Diana was the people’s princess.

An absolutely captivating woman. She wasn’t born into The Royal Family, but royalty was certainly born into her. There isn’t a princess on the planet who had such a global impact. The world celebrated her wedding…and remembered where they were when it happened. The world mourned her death…and remembered where they were when it happened. The majestic wedding and her tragic death were bookends to a life marked with incredible charity work. An unlikely “rebel”, Diana was a seemingly tortured soul who used her immense platform to bring joy, hope & comfort to other tortured souls. She wasn’t perfect, but clearly took her role seriously…and the monarchy hasn’t been the same since.

The worst illness of our time is that so many people have to suffer from never being loved.
                                                                                                      - Princess Diana of Wales

Hey (soon to be Princess) Kate,

You probably don’t have magic hair or latent Jedi powers. You might not be able to create a Glee-like moment in the middle of a public park, sing bass or call on the forest animals to do your will. You can’t be a mermaid, a warrior princess or an Amazon goddess. And, you won’t be Diana.

But next year...if you rebel a little and love a lot…you might just make this list.

P.S. I understand if you don’t want to walk around in a paper bag…but have you considered leather?

Just think about it.

Have a good one,

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Timmy's Top 10 Favourite Princesses! Part II

Welcome to PART II of Timmy's Top 10 Favourite Princesses. If you missed Part I, please take a few moments to check it out by clicking HERE.

It’s time to find out which Princesses fill out the middle of my list. Here we go, starting at number 8:

8. Vespa

Vespa may be a diva, but put an automatic weapon in her hand…and not even Sigourney Weaver can touch her.

You really have to appreciate someone who has a singular passion…even if it is her hair.
Sure she made someone else lug her monster hair dryer across the desert, but consider this…she uses a monster hair dryer! Tell me that doesn’t take some amazing forearm strength. With those, “flashing eyes, flushed cheeks and trembling lips” she may be ugly when she’s angry, but hands down…

…the sexiest female bass singer you’ll ever meet.

7. Snow White

Snow White is the ultimate symbol of purity.

That’s cool and all, but it’s not why she got on this list. You see, Snow White’s “snow white” image is pretty attractive, but when Shrek 3 revealed a previously hidden, “edgier” side to this iconic princess…I was sold. Remember the scene when she angelically whistled and sang her way to the enchanted trees which were guarding the castle, only to unleash the woodland creatures like bats out of hell. That’s hot!

Ya I have a sweet tooth but, every once in a while…I like a little spice.

Click pic to watch the clip

6. Ariel

Ariel is a mermaid. Enough said.

5. Rapunzel

Rapunzel has blond hair, big eyes and a frying pan. What more could you ask for?

How ‘bout MAGIC hair? Done! Not only can Rapuzel’s mile long golden locks revive a dead person and guide a lost soul through a dark cavern but they make Spiderman’s web seem…silly. In fact, every time she whips her hair Indiana Jones comes across like an amateur. And, Rapunzel’s saucer size eyes aren’t nearly as appealing as the way she handles the frying pan. She may not be able to cook with it, but she can certainly use it to clean house…if you know what I mean.

This sweet little thing is absolutely lethal. I think I’m in love.

4. Xena

Xena is using her power for good…and wears leather - both very admirable qualities.

How many ruthless warlord princesses do I know? None.
How many ruthless warlord princesses turned protector of the people do I know? One.
Xena is the ultimate bad girl turned good girl…and she wears leather.

She’s a princess with purpose. The same passion and drive which earned her the title “Destroyer of Nations” now motivates her to defend the weak. With a name meaning, “Hospitable”, the Warrior Princess could play host & security guard at her own party. She’d welcome guests with open arms…and snap the neck of any who dare crash the festivities. She’d also be killer at Ultimate Frisbee.

Did I mention she wears leather?

Seven Princesses who would make any Kingdom a better place.  Go To Part III HERE to find out which Princesses sit on the three thrones of my heart...and read my final words for Princess-to-be Kate Middleton.

Have a good one,

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Timmy's Top 10 Favourite Princesses! Part I

I know it’s still a few months away, but I’m really excited about the impending Royal Wedding…despite not receiving my invitation yet. I’m sure it’s in the mail.

On April 29, Prince William and Kate Middleton will become man and wife and while Prince William seems like a good dude and all…I’m not really interested in his role in all of this. I want to talk about Kate.

I like Kate…and she’ll probably make a good princess.

Which got me thinking. What makes a great princess? Is it wisdom? Good fashion sense? Great legs? Charity work? Charm? Great legs? Wit? Great legs?

Let me tell you…with so many factors in play it’s not an easy thing to determine. So, rather than consider what makes a princess great, I simply listed my favourite princesses…and later discovered a trend.

Over the next week, I will list my favourite princesses of all time, reveal a slight bias and give Kate a little insight into how she could one day break the top-ten.

So…here we go. Starting with a few who just didn’t quite make the cut:

Honourable Mentions:

Queen Latifah (remember when she was just Princess Latifah?), Prince (the name is deceiving) and the Princess who could feel the pea beneath like 100 mattresses (that’s just freaky cool).

Now...on with the show:

10. Elizabeth
aka - the Paper Bag Princess

Elizabeth is a princess who wants a prince, but doesn’t need one.

She’s resilient enough to get up after being knocked down; she’s brave enough to confront her past by staring down the very dragon which put her in rags; she’s smart enough outwit said dragon and she’s wise enough to rid herself of the "Jersey Shore Look at me!” Ronald.

A princess who walks around in a paper bag? C’mon, if that isn’t unpretentious, down to earth and strangely appealing, what is?

9. Giselle

Giselle is clueless…but as real as it gets.

Sure she doesn’t have an ounce of street smarts, but is that such a bad thing? Maybe…but Snooki has tons of street smarts which clearly isn’t good either. Sure Giselle could buy a clue or two, but there isn’t a hidden agenda anywhere under that poofy dress of hers. She’s virtually un-hateable. You might be jealous of her “glass is always completely full and over flowing into the other overflowing glasses all around it” outlook on life, but you can’t hate her for it. She’s a believer…in dreams, in people and in love. She’s just so darn adorable!

I would love to take a walk in the park with her!

Well folks, those two princesses are pretty awesome...but they only round out my Top Ten. Go to PART II HERE to find out what princesses I ranked higher.

If you think you have some ideas of who they may be, please post a comment...I'd be very interested in your predictions. I think there will be some surprises.

Have a good one,

Friday, February 11, 2011

A Singular Focus


To read this entry, and many other greats from the past,
you’ll need to buy a copy of the greatest collection of wit this side of Jupiter.

Timmys Book Inside Timmys Mind



A great gift for any literate person
A must for any coffee table or bathroom basket
A rock solid financial investment.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

My Journal

Jan. 1, 2010
Dear Diary,
It’s New Years Day! You know what that means? It means I get to write the first of many entries. So…here it is. I must say I’m very excited about all that lays in store for me over the next 12 months. That’s why my New Year Resolution is to keep a daily account of all my comings and goings. All my ups and downs. All my tasks and emotions. Life goes so fast. I think taking time to stop and process each day as it comes will really help me enjoy the individual moments even more.

I plan on being absolutely transparent, which may mean I’ll write some silly things I’ll end up regretting, but I’ll also learn more about myself in the process…especially when I look back on the whole picture through the glasses of hindsight. It’s going to provide so much insight into me as a person. I’m sure it will reveal many strengths and many weaknesses. It may not be easy to read…but it’ll prove to be beneficial.

I’m sure it’s not easy to write every day, but I’m looking forward to the challenge. I just need to constantly remind myself of the benefits of taking on a task which at times might feel mundane. I mean, not every day is going to be a Shakespearean play mixed with drama, comedy and intrigue. I’m sure some days I’ll just write “Had a good day”, but that’s Okay. It’s the journey which interests me. The day to day accounts will reveal steps which, at the time, seemed insignificant but later proved to be very monumental. There will be days I write bland statements, unaware the next day will prove to be charged with emotion. That’s why I made it my New Years resolution and unlike previous years…I’m going to keep it this time! Well, that’s it for now. See you tomorrow. I can’t wait.

Jan. 1, 2011
Dear Diary,
Last year is such a blur…

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

"He Lives!" Is it a Miracle or Good Theatre?

Do cats have nine lives?

Quite possibly.

Mine has at least two.

You see, last week I watched my cat die and…come back to life.

On Sunday, we noticed Spanky wasn’t well which was both surprising…and not. His sudden “Unspankiness” caught us off guard because, except for the occasional war wound, he’s always been quite healthy. However, Spanky is also living in his “-er” years. If you know someone over 60, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

They’re not old. They’re old-er.

Well, Spanky is 14 which is the equivalent of a 72 year old human (see chart) and places him firmly at the high end of any life span chart. But, although 72 may mean slowing down…it isn’t exactly death incarnate. Take, for example, Jack Nicholson who at 73 is looking great but has decided it’s time to stop hitting on younger women in public. Then again, there is Keith Richards who at only 67 may actually be death incarnate.

Anyways, when we noticed Spanky was having trouble eating (not one of his weak areas) we rightfully grew concerned.

Over the next 24 hours, with his strength fading at an incredibly uncomfortable rate, he began distancing himself until he eventually curled up by the washing machine…in the far reaches of our basement. Assuming he had chosen his final resting place, I wrote an emotional blog entry entitled, “Goodbye Spanky” to post first thing in the morning.

However, when I got up for my regular midnight bathroom visit, I almost tripped over…Spanky! I was freaked, yet impressed. I mean, how many dead cats do you know who can walk up three flights of stairs?

I don’t think he slept all night. He was determined to skirt death by staying awake…for ever! So, we spent the next day speaking in whispers and walking on tip-toes trying to give this poor cat a chance to “fall asleep”.

But, not only would he not die, Spanky started eating and drinking again. Eventually, I figured if he’s going to be so stubborn about this whole death thing, I might as well get him to a vet to get him ready for life #2.

Turns out, Spanky was just really sick and not lying on death’s door after all. Apparently, the symptoms of a dying cat can also be symptoms of a cat with other problems…less fatal than death. Who knew?

Since the experience was more dramatic revitalization than miraculous resurrection, Spanky is actually less Jesus and more Hulk Hogan.

In true wrestling theatre, Spanky appeared to grow weaker and weaker until, just as his paw was about to limply drop to the mat for the third and final time…his leg started shaking. Raising his once lifeless body to his feet, he body slammed my wife, cupped his ears (feigning bad hearing) and strutted victoriously, with “I Am a Real American” blaring, over to the kitchen...high-fiving my kids all the way to his food dish.

I guess, “Goodbye Spanky” will remain a draft…for now.

Have a good one,
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