Although I believe my diagram, in and of itself, is an incredibly helpful tool for understanding the complexity of fatherhood, I decided to include some commentary for those who are a little overwhelmed by the image.
Everything has a purpose. As a parent of three children aged 9, 14 & 18 (not necessarily in that order), I've discovered reasons behind each of the primary anatomical features of a dad. Here they are (in no particular order):
Reasons for the Primary Anatomical Features of a Dad
Early Years: for holding the 47 "most special" rocks his child found at the beach that day.
Later Years: for giving his child the 47 "most special" dollars dad earned each day.
Early: for witnessing his child spontaneously pull off their pants in front of the dinner guests...again.
Later: for witnessing his child spontaneously show up for dinner...finally.
Early: for the times his child makes him frustrated. It's easier to pull out hair then to pull off limbs.
Later: See above
Early: for locating where his child peed in their room.
Later: for making sure his child has no weed in their room.
Early: for tasting a very colourful, and probably lethal, "special" drink offered to him by his child made from various liquid substances found around the kitchen...and backyard.
Later: for wondering out loud what "special" drink your self-professed mature child consumed to cause them to take part in yet another completely non-sensical act of immaturity.
Early: for hearing his child speak...for the first time.
Later: for hearing his child sneak in...for the first and LAST time!
Early: for pointing out where his child should put the plate they've innocently left on the couch.
Later: for pointing out where his child should put the plate they've innocently left on the couch...for the 10,000th time!!!
Early: for carrying his child because their little legs are so tired after their devastatingly hard 45 second walk.
Later: for lifting his child's tired legs off the glass coffee table after their devastatingly hard 3 hour work shift.
Early: for solidifying himself as a superhero by occasionally stepping on spiders in his child's bedroom before kissing them goodnight.
Later: for solidifying himself as superhuman by emerging alive from the teenage toxic landfill of dirty clothes, dishes and that strange musty odour, after kissing his child goodnight.
Early: for dragging a screaming, leg-clinging, empty-handed, spoiled child from the toy store back to the car.
Later: for kicking a dragging, sulking, empty-handed, spoiled child from the computer store back to the car.
Later: for frustration relief...after complete balding has occurred.
Please share this with the dad's in your world. They'll thank you.
Happy Father's Day,