Sunday, June 17, 2012

Anatomy of a Dad (not for the faint of heart)

Although I believe my diagram, in and of itself, is an incredibly helpful tool for understanding the complexity of fatherhood, I decided to include some commentary for those who are a little overwhelmed by the image.

Everything has a purpose.  As a parent of three children aged 9, 14 & 18 (not necessarily in that order), I've discovered reasons behind each of the primary anatomical features of a dad.  Here they are (in no particular order):

Reasons for the Primary Anatomical Features of a Dad


Early Years: for holding the 47 "most special" rocks his child found at the beach that day.

Later Years: for giving his child the 47 "most special" dollars dad earned each day.


Early: for witnessing his child spontaneously pull off their pants in front of the dinner guests...again.

Later: for witnessing his child spontaneously show up for dinner...finally.


Early: for the times his child makes him frustrated.  It's easier to pull out hair then to pull off limbs.

Later: See above


Early: for locating where his child peed in their room.

Later: for making sure his child has no weed in their room. 


Early: for tasting a very colourful, and probably lethal, "special" drink offered to him by his child made from various liquid substances found around the kitchen...and backyard.

Later: for wondering out loud what "special" drink your self-professed mature child consumed to cause them to take part in yet another completely non-sensical act of immaturity.


Early: for hearing his child speak...for the first time.

Later: for hearing his child sneak in...for the first and LAST time!


Early: for pointing out where his child should put the plate they've innocently left on the couch.

Later: for pointing out where his child should put the plate they've innocently left on the couch...for the 10,000th time!!!


Early: for carrying his child because their little legs are so tired after their devastatingly hard 45 second walk.

Later: for lifting his child's tired legs off the glass coffee table after their devastatingly hard 3 hour work shift.


Early: for solidifying himself as a superhero by occasionally stepping on spiders in his child's bedroom before kissing them goodnight. 

Later: for solidifying himself as superhuman by emerging alive from the teenage toxic landfill of dirty clothes, dishes and that strange musty odour, after kissing his child goodnight.


Early: for dragging a screaming, leg-clinging, empty-handed, spoiled child from the toy store back to the car.

Later: for kicking a dragging, sulking, empty-handed, spoiled child from the computer store back to the car.


Early: N/A

Later: for frustration relief...after complete balding has occurred.

Please share this with the dad's in your world.  They'll thank you.

Happy Father's Day,


  1. Oh boy! Too Funny and so true!

  2. Insightful, as always. Thanks for sharing.


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