Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dear Anne Hathaway...I Can Help You!

I would have played a footstool in this movie.
                                    - Anne Hathaway

Dear Anne,

I am so sorry your desire to be a footstool in “The Dark Knight Rises” was not fulfilled. 

However, having recently watched and enjoyed the movie, I offer my congratulations on being part of that epic franchise.  And, despite settling on the lesser role of Selina Kyle, you played Catwoman so amazingly well…I don’t even remember who played the footstool! 

Your filmography proves many times over, you are talented enough to play whatever role presents it self. Clearly, if you, Anne Hathaway, dream of playing a footstool…you could be an awesome footstool…in ANY movie!  So, where did it go wrong? 

Since I was not invited to your audition sessions I’m not exactly sure what caused the plan to go south. 

Did you wholeheartedly audition for “Footstool” only to lose out to a more determined actor/actress?  If so…keep your head up.  Those things happen.

Had you forgotten the wise adage to “Keep it simple”?  Overplaying the simple footstool in an attempt to be a multi-purpose storage/coffee table/footstool is a classic mistake.   

Were you simply unprepared mentally?  What was the footstool’s motivation?  Where did the footstool come from?  Was the footstool happy?  Crucial questions for any role.

Whatever the reason, I’m sure you’ve learned a lesson or two for the next time you pursue credit as an inanimate object.  It’s not as easy as it looks.

Anne, I believe in dreams. I believe in you. I’d like to help…and I believe I can!

“But how?” you ask.

Been there.  Done that.

The name is Timmy Boyle.  Yes, that’s right.  THAT Timmy Boyle…or Mr. Inanimate Object, as my Hollywood contemporaries refer to me.

I learned the magic pose in my elementary school playground, perfected it in the halls of my high school, and monetized it in Hollywood.  As an inanimate object, I’ve shared the big screen with the likes of Tom Hanks and have appeared in more iconic movie images than any other actor.

If you really want to be a footstool, Anne…talk to me.  My credits speak for themselves. 

Starring Dee Wallace, Peter Coyote, Henry Thomas...
and Timmy Boyle as The Moon

Starring Tom Hanks, Gary Sinise...
and Timmy Boyle as The Bench.

Starring Ralph Macchio, Noriyuki "Pat " Morita...
and Timmy Boyle as The Post

Starring the voice talents of Jodi Benson...
and Timmy Boyle as The Rock

And of course...I'm a fellow Batman alumnus

Starring Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson...
and Timmy Boyle as The Bat Signal

Call me!    

No comments:

Post a Comment

From your mind to my mind:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...