Well, that’s the last time I listen to the Mayans.
I kept myself very busy on the “supposed” last day of the world…and it was all for naught. Here’s how I spent my time as the doomsday clocked ticked down:
– Woke up to my personalized alarm: R.E.M’s It’s the End of World As We Know It.
– Opened the emergency pantry a day early and ate breakfast. A bottle of water & a can of creamed corn.
– Started my morning radio show…pretending it wasn’t my last.
– Sobbed uncontrollably on-air. Said it was because I had something in my eye.
– Signed off with a blatant lie that I’d be back tomorrow morning.
– Gave the station’s "Doubting Thomas" a Mayans R Smart T-Shirt as a “going away present”.
- Stood on a street corner with my home-made sign, “Honk if you like the end of the world”. No one honked.
– Ate lunch. A bottle of water & a can of creamed corn.
– Manned a lemonade stand to raise money for any underground civilization which will miraculously survive the earth exploding. $2.10 isn’t much…but at least it’s something.
- Got my hair cut.
– Called my parents to tell them I loved them. Got the answering machine.
– Finished my message.
– Received a call from my parents. They saw I had called…but didn’t listen to the message. I repeated it.
5:03 – Pretty sure the phone line went dead. I’m sure they wouldn’t have hung up on me…just as I was getting to the good part.
– Deposited $1.60 (I was 50 cents short at the barber) into my Mayan Prophecy Relief Fund bank account.
6: – Ate dinner. A bottle of water & a can of creamed corn.
– Gathered my wife & kids for one final family game of Twister.
– Strained my right calf trying to step over my son to the red dot.
– Got scolded by my wife for blaming my son. I still think he moved.
– Debated inwardly between watching PVR’d episodes of The Voice or X-Factor.
– Decided on The Voice.
– Flipped over to X-Factor. I had forgotten which one had Britney Spears.
– Treated myself to a late night snack. A bottle of water & a can of creamed corn.
– Ran to the store to get 4 bottles of water and 4 cans of creamed corn to restock the emergency pantry.
– Checked over my list of things to do before the end of the world. Other than having never ridden a Giraffe, I have no regrets.
– Got off the phone with the local zoo. There will be no Giraffe riding for me.
11: – Partied like it was 1999.
– Strained my right calf.
– Started my countdown to ‘till the end of the world.
– Hugged my wife…and waited for the explosion.
– Limped to bed very disappointed...and wondering what I’m going to do with all that creamed corn.
Have a good one,