Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Hair Raising Wisdom From A New 40 Year Old

Just turned 40…and proud of it.

There was a time, during the peak of my youth, when I would look upon a 40 year old individual and marvel…

“How are they still alive!?”

Well, yesterday I entered my 5th decade alive & well.

Although my hair has thinned, receded ever so slightly and now sports a touch of grey, I am still more than capable, if I so choose, of growing a very big hair 80’s mullet.  Take that, young me!   

Timmy Boyle insidetimmysmind Up Standing Comedy

Now, for those who don’t feel the status of one’s hair is the ultimate assessment of graceful aging I present the following argument:

You don’t know squat!

I am very proud of turning 40 and eagerly anticipate the next decade because of everything the 40’s has to offer.  That being, physical & mental wellness wrapped neatly in four decades of acquired wisdom.

At 10 - I thought I had figured it all out…but I was wrong.
At 20 - I thought I had figured it all out…but I was wrong.
At 30 - I thought I had figured it all out…but I was wrong.
At 40 - I know I’ve figured it all out.

I’ve heard the Negative Nancy’s say things like, “It’s all down hill from here”, “40 is the new 60” and “Your hair has receded more than ‘slightly’”…but I refuse to listen.  You see, Negative Nancy’s who sit on the younger side of 30 are perceptionally challenged while those on the “mature” side fall into various levels of what most experts (mainly me) now refer to as, “bitterness”.

The 30 year old Negative Nancy is nervously bitter about eventually turning 40.
The 40 year old Negative Nancy is angrily bitter about having turned 40.
The 50 year old Negative Nancy is sarcastically bitter about passing 40.
The 60+ year old Negative Nancy is bitter…but no longer remembers why.

I have no time to listen to bitter souls.  I’m convinced life begins at 40 and plan, by using all of the lessons I have learned, on maximizing every moment of the 130 years I have left on this planet.

Kids, which is anyone under 40, gather round.  After compiling 480 months of life experience, here are:


1)  Life is great!  Bumps. Yep. Valleys. Yep. Curves. Yep.  Still great. 

2)  Treat everyone with respect.  They may be your future boss...or spouse…or science fair partner. 

3)  Political Correctness sucks.  Can I say that?   

4)  Never waste too much time doing something you hate.  So, if you don’t like this list…Get out now!   

5)  If you’ve never failed…you’ve failed.  Which, ironically, would make you a success.

6)  Kiss Negative Nancys goodbye…and don’t let the door hit them on the way out.

7)  Always carry pen & paper...because technology, at times, sucks more than political correctness.

8)  Carpe Diem!

9)  Learn Latin if you don’t know Carpe Diem means.

10)  Speedos are never the right answer.  Never.

11)  Laughter is an amazing gift.  Don’t ever let it gather dust.

12)  Parenting is way easier than we make it out to be.  Rule #1 - Love your kid.  Rule #2 – See rule #1.    

13)  Embrace silence.  It’s amazing what you hear when there is no sound.

14)  Desire authenticity, but understand everybody needs to wear a mask occasionally...even if it is just for Comic Con.

15)  Trustworthiness & teach-ability will always break the tie in academic equality.

16)  True freedom is found within reasonable restrictions.

17)  Respect your elders…especially those who just turned 40. 

18)  Learn from the past…or your future won’t look any better than your present.

19)  The customer is always valued…but not always right. 

20)  It never hurts to ask…unless you ask to get hit.

21)  Don’t hide the knife.  Teach how to use the knife responsibly.

22)  Life doesn’t move quickly.  You do.  Slow down!

23)  Remember: When you pray for rain, someone else might be praying for no rain.

24)  Celebrities pick their nose hairs one a time just like you & me.   

25)  Sometimes it looks better on paper…especially graph paper.

26)  You need way less than you think you need…unless you think you only need marsh-mellows.

27)  Have a plan…but don’t forget to plan for your plan to change unplanned.

28)  Nothing happens overnight…except dew.

29)  Don’t have regrets.  Have life lessons.

30)  Eat when you’re hungry.  Drink when you’re thirsty.  Minimize the sugar.

31)  Don’t take medication for problems that a change in lifestyle can fix.

32)  Dance like no one is watching.  In fact, take time to dance when no one is watching.

33)  Wear sunscreen.

34)  Don’t blame God (or life) for things you brought on yourself. 

35)  Boxer shorts cover more skin than swim suits.  Take your morning walks proudly.

36)  Be a generous tipper.

37)  Dare 2 Dream!

38)  Change what you can.  Accept what you can’t. (P.S. you can’t change your spouse.)

39)  These three remain: Faith, hope & love.  None of them have failed me yet.

40)  The best drivers assume the other drivers around them are idiots...and could change lanes any minute. 

41)  The #1 waste of time is not TV or Facebook.  It’s worry!  So…Don’t Worry.  Watch The A-Team.

42)  Money is not evil.  However, those new Canadian plastic bills are pure sin. 

43)  Relationships over anything else.  All the time.

44)  Be proactive…or, at the very least, react by being proactive. 

45)  The 80’s rocked.  Long live neon.

46)  There is someone for everyone.  Think of anyone.  Yes, even them.  Weird but true.

47)  You have to know when to hold, fold, walk & run.  Ask Kenny.  He’ll confirm it. 

48)  Speaking of Kenny: It is possible to get too much “work” done.

49)  No matter how old you get, fart jokes and “bleeping” will always make you laugh!

50)  To “assume” doesn’t make a "bleep" out of “you” & “me”.  It puts the "bleep" in front of “you” & “me”.

Please pass this list on to everyone you know.  If I can save a few it's all been worth it.

Have a good one and remember:
I’m not old.  I’m only 40…not 50.


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