Monday, March 3, 2014

The Affleck Recant

I'm a big boy, so I'll acknowledge when I've made a mistake.

Anyone who has spent more than five minutes in my presence has heard me passionately preach the following messages:

1. Speedos cause brain damage,
2. Ben Affleck equals "This movie will suck!" and,
3. The moon landing was faker than Milli Vanilli.

Well, I'm here to acknowledge a change of mind on one of those issues...and to offer a heartfelt apology.

Ben, I'm really sorry!

Timmy Boyle Ben Affleck

Now to help you truly understand the magnitude of today's recant, we need to revisit a 2009 post from this very blog.  While discussing Timmy's Top Five Terrors, I publicly cemented my previous position on Affleck with these exact words:

"I really, really wanted to like the movie "Spiderman". I had such incredibly high hopes for "Daredevil". However, each dream was dashed, un-mercilessly, against the rocks of Dunst and Affleck.

They single-handedly sunk two movies - and one entire franchise - for me. I think any film, starring either of these two brilliantly dull "actors", should be found in the Horror section of video stores. They are movie monsters...who have never played the role of a monster.

Ben is Frankenstein. With simple words and awkward actions, his acting will pound you into submission.

Kirsten is an eerie combination of the Sandman & Dracula. First, she puts you to sleep and then she sucks the life out of you.

In fact, if you want to make the ultimate horror flick, cast Ben & Kirsten...together! That, my friends, even if it was a romantic comedy, would be guaranteed to send shivers down your spine. It would be worse than "Home Alone 3" and scarier than "The Shining". SROTCA DAB!"

A literary masterpiece?  Yes.  A little on the harsh side?  Yes, as well.

Before I can continue discussing my repentant spirit regarding Mr. Affleck, I'll need to address the white elephant brought into the room via the previous quote.  "What about Kirsten?", you ask.  Well, my opinion on Ms. Dunst has also softened but I can only emotionally handle one recant at a time.

After much reflection, I'll admit my stabs at Ben seem to be rooted solely in the deep disappointment surrounding his performance in Daredevil.  A casting choice I more recently referred to as a "blind decision".  Get it?  Daredevil.  Blind.  I really need to use this brilliant wit for good.

It's not clear why that particular movie drove such a wedge between Ben & I because, quite frankly, I'm not even a fringe fan of the superhero Daredevil.  I mean, without a doubt, Batman is 100 times greater than Double D yet I didn't write off Clooney after his appearance in the superdud Batman & Robin.  Mind you, Nipple Gate completely overshadowed any chance of critically assessing George's three lines of dialogue in that film.

Sure, Affleck did Gigli.  Pearl Harbor.  Armageddon.  All high ranking flicks on any Worst Film Ever list.  But, here's the kicker:  I've never seen any of them.  In fact, after checking out his credits on IMDB, other than Daredevil...

I hadn't seen ANY movie Ben Affleck was in!

Over the last ten years, I mocked this man's acting prowess (I believe I used the terms "dull", "simple" & "awkward"), based simply on a single first-hand movie experience and a bunch of rotten tomatoes tossed from other people.

I'm quite surprised at this realization and kind of ashamed.

As a performer myself, I certainly wouldn't want anyone to judge me from a single piece of work, especially something I did years ago.  People learn.  People grow.  People change.  However, that being said, I do believe in free speech and the right to share an honest opinion.  I will never watch Daredevil again because I found the entire movie painful to watch & Ben's performance was a big part of that, but...

It was absolutely wrong to hang his entire career and ability off that wonky coat hook...especially in light of a most recent revelation.

You see, when mentioned earlier that I had only seen ONE Af-flick, it was only partly true.  Last year, my decade long Ben-Fast was actually broken the moment I popped The Town into my DVD player.  Lo and behold, to paraphrase Katy Perry, "I watched an Af-flick and I liked it!"  What sorcery was this I thought.  Clearly, the movie was SO good even Ben, as actor AND director, couldn't ruin it.

However, my self-lie, now weakened, took a fatal blow last night, when I found myself captivated, beginning to end, by the Oscar winning picture ARGO.  Starring Ben Affleck.  Directed by Ben Affleck.

This guy is good!

Some people like what I do while others don't.  That's fine and I accept that.
Some people like Ben Affleck while others don't.  That's fine...and I'm sure Ben accepts that.

Does he care what a little known Canadian comedian thinks about him? Probably not.
Will Ben Affleck ever read this recant?  Probably not.  But, sometimes you just need to admit you were wrong.

Ben, I wish to one day have the type of success you've experienced.  You weren't hunting for my good will, but you definitely found it.  Keep up the great work...and please don't screw up Batman.  Thanks.


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