"Wanna be filthy rich?"
As a result of my overwhelmingly positive response to that question, I recently forced myself to digest an "expert's" endless analysis of the keys to financial success. After hours of painstaking study, I have managed to summarize, "blah, blah, rich, blah, blah, percent, blah, blah, Charlize Theron, blah, blah, night-stand" into one amazing universal truth.
Future wealth is directly connected to your bedside table.
Now, on the surface, this seems to be yet another example of the rich getting richer. Fantastic news for the privileged few who own a bedside table, while absolutely disheartening to the segment of our population that doesn't have one. However, it is important to note that, although a primary factor, not every "bedsidetable-less" individual is poverty stricken.
There are actually many legitimate reasons for not owning a bedside table:
1) Lack of Space: The "bed to room" ratio leaves no area for a bedside walkway...let alone a bedside table.
2) Bad Trigger: You once lost a loved one during a horrible night-stand mishap that others assure you was an accident but, despite years of therapy, you remain unable to forgive yourself for.
3) Religious Reasons: A bedside table leads to dust which leads to dust bunnies which reminds you of Playboy Bunnies which leads to sex.
4) No Bed: Simply put, you can't place a bedside table beside a bed you don't have.
But, good news! If you don't have a bedside table because you're spaciously challenged, emotionally wounded, spiritually convicted, nomadically inclined...or simply poor, you don't need to run out and get one.
You see, your road to financial success doesn't have to mean chainsawing your bed in half, crying about Aunt June every time you put your glasses down for the night, dusting 24-7 or finally graduating from sleeping bag to big-boy mattress.
Wealth, according to the study, is not so much connected to the bedside table as much as to the items resting beside your place of rest (on a bedside table or not).
In particular...what reading material puts you to sleep at night?
If you want to know how large your future bank account will be...the answer lies in the stack of books and/or magazines beside your pillow.
For the record, I have the following...
1) "Inside Timmy's Mind" (Timmy Boyle) - It's a must read for every literate person.
2) "The 100 Most Influential People" (Time Magazine) - Just checking if I'm in it yet.
3) "I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This!" (Bob Newhart) - We read each other's books.
4) "The Authoritative Calvin & Hobbes" (Bill Watterson) - No explanation needed.
5) "Genius Test" (MENSA, the high IQ society) - My score is still low, but gets better with each re-test.
6) "O.J. & Nicole - The Untold Story!" (The Enquirer) - I have an enquiring mind.
Apparently, according to the study, poor people tend to read for entertainment, while rich people read for self-improvement.
I don't know what they think "self-improvement" means, but by the way I define it...I'm clearly following a Reading Rainbow which will lead me to a massive pot of gold!
...and a fancier bedside table.
Keep on laughin',
P.S. What's on your bedside table?
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