Wednesday, July 16, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 13 - Jillian Michaels Fried My Brain

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE


Today I chose to graduate myself.



The decision to move from Week One to Week Two of Jillian Michaels' “Ripped in 30” was eerily reminiscent of my school days.

First, there was the all-encompassing dread of getting physically beaten up at the next level (experienced from Grades 6-11).

Even though each new school year proved the fear to be based on nothing but an old episode of Leave it to Beaver, I knew today was different. Jillian was about to hurt me for real. She was about to hurt me bad.

Secondly, there was the uncontrollable sobbing for my mommy...BEFORE anything happened (experienced in Kindergarten & from Grades 9-14).

Look, not only is it okay to cry, it's an absolute necessity. I can't remember the exact context but my mother once told me, with great conviction, "If you hold the tears in...you WILL go blind!" Wait, maybe that was for something else. Regardless, after experiencing Week One with Jillian the prospect of a second week would make anyone a little weepy.

Thirdly, there was the extremely tight shorts (worn for a record 17 straight picture days).

Simply put...I've got legs and I know how to use them.

And finally, there was the complete & utter non-existence of any signs indicating I was ready to be advanced forward (Senior Kindergarten & Grades 6, 8, 12 & 14 come to mind).

I had already spent 12 days on Week One & completed the workout seven times. Ready or not, if I wanted to be ripped, I knew I couldn't stay there forever. As a grown-up I am now able to make mis-guided decisions for myself.

So, I mustered up what little courage I've carried into adulthood, wiped my tears, hiked up my shorts to show a little more thigh & repeated my life mantra...

“I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind...”

Good news. I didn't go blind.

However, within the first few minutes I remembered why I never joined an aerobics class. There was so much “left, reach, kick, up, alternate, kick, dip, right, down” happening at such a feverish rate, I think it put me into a brief coma.

When Jillian said, “Repeat!”...

...my brain exploded.



It was intense, but I will be back at it again tomorrow.

“I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind. I will NOT go blind...”

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 12 - The Push-up Cam

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE


"Are you really doing it?"



That's the question I've been asked most over the last 12 days in regards to the Jillian Michaels "Ripped in 30" exercise program.

Other questions like, "Are you on the 'roids?", "Have you had work done?" & "Aren't those shorts a little tight?" come in a distant 2nd through 4th.

Some people would say one of the more frustrating things about working out is not being able to see immediate results. I'd certainly agree, but would add a qualifier. One of the more frustrating things about working out is OTHERS not being able to see immediate results.

"Am I really doing it?" Yep.

Can I prove it? Nope.

Quite frankly, after eight work-outs there is almost no tangible proof I've been exercising at all.

I can't show you ripped abs, because my body is still very similar to the one I had two weeks ago. Although, I'm convinced something is definitely happening underneath the surface. I can feel it.

Oh, can I feel it.

I can't show you the cramps I'm experiencing in four muscle groups I didn't know existed.

I can't show you the wounded ego I've received after hearing Jillian chant "C'mon Girls!" as I, once again, laid motionless & cramped in a pool of my own sweat.

I suppose I could bottle & label my sweat for you, but that system has lost all credibility due to the Tour de France.

So, I figure the best "proof" I can offer you is some video footage of me actually working out.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I present to you...

The Push-up Cam! Enjoy.



This brings my extended version of Week #1 to an end. Tomorrow, I'm taking it up a notch as I take on Week #2. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

Monday, July 14, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 6 (or 11) - Back on the Horse

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE


From my personal experience, these are the Top 5 hardest things to do in life:

5) Start an exercise program
4) Digest dairy
3) Stay on an exercise program
2) Re-start an exercise program
1) Explain time travel

For the purposes of today's imagery. I'd like to re-word the list as follows:

5) Get on a horse
4) Digest dairy
3) Stay on a horse
2) Get back on a horse
1) Explain time travel

My journey to establish a regular exercise routine started back in the early 80's when I'd rush home from school to watch "20 Minute Workout".



Admittedly, I did very little exercise during these lunch breaks (most 10 year olds found the rotating platform of glistening, leotarded women to be slightly distracting), but I never missed a segment.

30 years later, the "20 Minute Workout" remains the exercise program I was most consistent with for the longest period of time...by far.

In the late 80's, having matured and truly wanting to get fit, I signed up for a membership at Super Fitness. As a scrawny teenaged kid, it seemed like the perfect way to add muscle mass, maintain health...and be in the presence of highly-toned women in form-fitting outfits.

Short lived, my Super Fitness days were simply a valiant effort by someone clearly in way over their head.

The gym was full of women in form-fitting outfits...who had not yet achieved anywhere, even remotely close, to a toned body. Strike one. The sauna was full of extremely aged men...wearing no outfits at all. Strike two. I had no job to pay for the membership...which they figured out 6-months in. Strike three.

Since then it's been a steady stream of 2 - 12 week chunks of everything from Richard Simmons' records to Chuck & Christie's Total Gym.

Which brings me to present day.

When I started Jillian Michaels' "Ripped in 30" DVD I figured, "Only 30 days? Surely, I can stick to that commitment!" So, once again, I got on the horse.

I was on the horse for 5 days.

It's day 11. I just got back on the horse.



I could give you many excuses as to why I experienced an extended break. But, there really is no good reason. Quite honestly, it's embarrassing to fall off the horse...again. But, I got back up...again.

Falling is not failure...but staying down is.

So, I begin again.

Let's do this, Jillian.



P.S. I feel so empowered I'm going to have a glass of milk & write an essay about the functional reality of time travel.

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

Thursday, July 10, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 5 - Rock Bottom Lesson: No Capes!

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE


On Day 5 of Jillian Michaels’ “Ripped in 30” I hit rock bottom.

The rock bottom of my stairwell.



Although technically a “carpeted” bottom, you would still think falling down a flight of stairs would be quite painful. And, under normal circumstances, I would agree. However, once your body has been beaten into submission by Jillian, flip-flopping over 13 little stairs hardly phases you.

In fact, if I knew a daily fall down the stairs would also get me “Ripped in 30”...I’d probably choose it over the DVD.

Initially shaken (but not stirred), I found myself resting quietly at the base of my stairwell fully aware that my ego was throbbing more than any body part. I was deeply ashamed, not about the physical misstep which sent me flying, but about the unforgiveable mental misstep which I had taken moments before.

Admittedly, choosing to exercise so close to the stairs was an obvious miscalculation and leaving my hand weights on the floor behind me was clearly a mental stumble, but my biggest slip-up was in not heeding the wisdom of those who have gone before me.

I should have listened to Edna!

The previous day I had forgotten to wear my headband. It was a blunder which darn near cost my eye sight and I swore I would never make that same mistake again. You see, my exercise outfit is pretty much an exact replica of the battle wear of a traditional Roman soldier. (Ref. DAY 4) In its entirety, the ensemble assures respect & ultimate victory in any arena, but with any piece missing the wearer becomes no better than an amusing side-show.

I want respect. I want victory.

So for good measure, I added...a flowing cape.

I’m no side-show.

Although meant to be worn lightly...the cape is clearly not meant to be worn lightly. For this reason the Romans, with their more “devil may care” attitude, considered it “optional” while others like Edna Mode, who avoided unnecessary risk, preached a hard and fast rule:

“NO CAPES!”

On Day 5, to my own demise, I pushed little Edna aside & partnered with the mighty empire of Rome. Throwing caution into the wind I donned the flowing cape and, for a brief moment...it was simply majestic.



However, it is one thing to sword battle with a cape on, but a completely different animal to wear one while performing arm circle warm ups!

Four rotations were all it took.

My arms were un-mercilessly tangled over my head. My head was shrouded with the flowing material. The neck strap was cutting off my breathing.

Disoriented & panic-filled, I flailed and spun. Stepping on the hand weight below my feet, I rolled back, flipped over the corner of my couch & tumbled all the way down the stairs.

Rock bottom.



I should have listened to Edna!



Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

Saturday, July 5, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 4 - Historical Keys to Victory!

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE


“That's all I want. Everything you got.” - Jillian Michaels, Ripped in 30

On the surface it seems like such a simple request. But despite a complete trust in Jillian & my wholehearted dedication to the program, I simply got sloppy on Day 4.

You can blame it on being tired mentally or maybe even getting a little cocky, but there really is no excuse. After all...

“It's all in the details.” - Some Random Guy, Pinterest Quote

According to that random guy, the details matter. And if it's on Pinterest the quote matters.

I brought everything I had to this particular work out except one crucial element. And, believe you me, I paid an enormous price for skipping such an important detail.

While preparing to be “Ripped in 30”, I knew it was going to be a battle. So, in order to ensure victory, I patterned my workout outfit after one of the most successful military forces of all time. The mighty Roman soldiers!




“If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you win!” - Timmy Boyle

Historical Keys to Victory:

- Stylish headband
- Low-cut chest protector
- Ultra-short loin protector
- Striped knee-high footwear
- Flowing cape*

*according to many movies, selected Wikipedia pages and Google images, the “Flowing cape” is actually optional.

Looking back on the situation, I shake my head in disbelief & lower it in shame. What kind of warrior am I? No Roman soldier worth his weight gold would ever have gone to battle without the entire ensemble in place. Those that did...possessed nothing short of a death wish.

I've learned my lesson. I WILL get “Ripped in 30” because I WILL NOT forget my headband, again!




Infact, I might even add the cape just for good measure.   


Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

Friday, July 4, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 3 - One day he'll be old too...

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE


There comes a time in every man's life when he hates children.



Please don't get me wrong. I don't hate children as much as I hate their energy, flexibility, metabolism rate, short legs & belief they are immortal. Kids are fun & all, but their very presence highlights the fact I need naps, wince when touching my toes, can't have Corn Pops at every meal and, at 40, have already reached the half way mark of my Stats Canada expected life span.

That's why I'm doing Jillian Michael's "Ripped in 30". 40 is WAY too early to be feel mocked by youth. I mean look at Jillian. She's only 7 months younger than me.

I may be wearing my kid's shorts for my workouts...but I'm not a kid any more. There is no way I can change my age (officially), the length of my legs or the reality that I'll always need to be very conscious of both diet & exercise. But, I CAN change my energy level, flexibility, strength & overall health for my remaining years on this wonderful planet...by being conscious of my diet & exercise.

I really love life and fully intend on throwing off Stats Canada when the Prime Minister sends me a certificate to celebrate my 140th birthday. However, I do not want to just survive the next 100 years. I want to thrive.

In fact, I plan on playing baseball well into my 80's and "retiring" because I want to, not because some 25 year old kid "thinks" he can play Centerfield better than me.

But first, I have to be able to get back to touching my toes without wincing...





...and not sweating through the opening credits of a workout video.

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

Thursday, July 3, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 2 - Everything I Ate Stayed Down...

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE


I'll admit it. Jillian Michaels is in better shape than I am.

Surprised? Probably.

Day 1 of Jillian Michaels' "Ripped in 30" felt like I was being ripped into 30 pieces. I remember, at the end of the workout, lying in a pool of my own sweat desperately wondering if I'd ever walk again...assuming I didn't drown first. A person can drown in an inch of water, you know. Google it.

After some time, both fears were alleviated when my Good Samaritan son turned my head to the side (bless his heart),and I was re-energized by an hour long nap (which my wife called "being passed out").

I stood...and ran...to fight another day.

Well, that day came and, although I cowered for hours, I eventually mustered up the courage to get back on the horse (not a reference to Jillian) which had tossed me around mercilessly the previous afternoon. Despite the uncontrollable weeping I experienced during the warm up stretches, everything else went well. Really well.

Infact, let's just say...

"Jillian, is that all you got?"

This day, everything I ate stayed down!





Does pride really come before the fall? I hope not...

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

#timmyandjillian DAY 1 - What have I done!?

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian START HERE



DAY ONE

I've got a birthday book signing event in a few weeks and I want to be ready for anything. There are many who think signature writing is all in the wrist but, as with everything, it's actually all about core strength.

It is true I'm turning 41...but I'm not out of shape.
Sure, I've become a little soft in the middle...but I'm not out of shape.
And yes, I might need to firm up the ol' physique slightly...but I'm not out of shape.

So when I decided to tighten up the abs for the big day I was ecstatic about having a whole 3 weeks to accomplish it! I mean, if "Biggest Loser" trainer Jillian Michaels says she can have anyone "Ripped in 30". Well, I could easily do it in 20. After all, I'm not out of shape.

How hard could it be?



...I am so out of shape.

Keep on laughin',
Timmy

PREV FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version

#timmyandjillian - Ripped in 30 (hopefully 20)



I have to get ready for my Birthday Book Signing Event in Toronto on July 20th. Who better to get me ready to greet people shirtless than Jillian Michaels! I've only got 20 days to get "Ripped in 30"...but I believe in Jillian! How hard can it be?




Wardrobe courtesy of:
Hoodie - TouchbyAM (Alyssa Milano); Headband & Socks - My daughter; Shorts - My son

FOLLOW THE JOURNEY! #timmyandjillian NEXT

Don't miss ANY of the videos, photos or stories...
SUBSCRIBE TO MY MIND in the side bar --->



Buy Inside Timmy's Mind
CLICK TO BUY NOW!
*Also available at AMAZON in paperback or kindle version
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...