Thursday, July 10, 2014

#timmyandjillian Day 5 - Rock Bottom Lesson: No Capes!


On Day 5 of Jillian Michaels’ “Ripped in 30” I hit rock bottom.

The rock bottom of my stairwell.

Although technically a “carpeted” bottom, you would still think falling down a flight of stairs would be quite painful. And, under normal circumstances, I would agree. However, once your body has been beaten into submission by Jillian, flip-flopping over 13 little stairs hardly phases you.

In fact, if I knew a daily fall down the stairs would also get me “Ripped in 30”...I’d probably choose it over the DVD.

Initially shaken (but not stirred), I found myself resting quietly at the base of my stairwell fully aware that my ego was throbbing more than any body part. I was deeply ashamed, not about the physical misstep which sent me flying, but about the unforgiveable mental misstep which I had taken moments before.

Admittedly, choosing to exercise so close to the stairs was an obvious miscalculation and leaving my hand weights on the floor behind me was clearly a mental stumble, but my biggest slip-up was in not heeding the wisdom of those who have gone before me.

I should have listened to Edna!

The previous day I had forgotten to wear my headband. It was a blunder which darn near cost my eye sight and I swore I would never make that same mistake again. You see, my exercise outfit is pretty much an exact replica of the battle wear of a traditional Roman soldier. (Ref. DAY 4) In its entirety, the ensemble assures respect & ultimate victory in any arena, but with any piece missing the wearer becomes no better than an amusing side-show.

I want respect. I want victory.

So for good measure, I added...a flowing cape.

I’m no side-show.

Although meant to be worn lightly...the cape is clearly not meant to be worn lightly. For this reason the Romans, with their more “devil may care” attitude, considered it “optional” while others like Edna Mode, who avoided unnecessary risk, preached a hard and fast rule:


On Day 5, to my own demise, I pushed little Edna aside & partnered with the mighty empire of Rome. Throwing caution into the wind I donned the flowing cape and, for a brief was simply majestic.

However, it is one thing to sword battle with a cape on, but a completely different animal to wear one while performing arm circle warm ups!

Four rotations were all it took.

My arms were un-mercilessly tangled over my head. My head was shrouded with the flowing material. The neck strap was cutting off my breathing.

Disoriented & panic-filled, I flailed and spun. Stepping on the hand weight below my feet, I rolled back, flipped over the corner of my couch & tumbled all the way down the stairs.

Rock bottom.

I should have listened to Edna!

Keep on laughin',


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